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  #1  
Old 10-06-2018, 05:14 PM
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love has a talent
to bring
you and me
in full view
others rehearse
life's balance
the invisible
apparent
immerse
time disperse happy
it is coerced
Shakespeare reverse
tragedy isn't a curse.

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Last edited by Nacia; 10-13-2018 at 01:45 AM..
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  #2  
Old 10-12-2018, 11:47 AM
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Why do you chop your lines so short?

love has a talent to bring (does it, or is it just a mix of emotions that clouds any objectivity? Yes, perhaps it does, perhaps love results in a cumulative succession of thoughts brought together into a grand culmination of such exquisite significance that it renders us stupid... I assume so)
you and me in full view (oh, it did.)
others rehearse life's balance (what balance, define first)
the invisible apparent (a purposeful juxtaposition or just bad writing?)
immerse, time disperse happy (meaningless)
it is coerced Shakespeare reverse (what?)
tragedies isn't curse. (why plural, surely singular: "tragedy"- still don't get it- please explain.)
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  #3  
Old 10-12-2018, 02:15 PM
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Originally Posted by Chinspinner View Post
Why do you chop your lines so short?

love has a talent to bring (does it, or is it just a mix of emotions that clouds any objectivity? Yes, perhaps it does, perhaps love results in a cumulative succession of thoughts brought together into a grand culmination of such exquisite significance that it renders us stupid... I assume so)
you and me in full view (oh, it did.)
others rehearse life's balance (what balance, define first)
the invisible apparent (a purposeful juxtaposition or just bad writing?)
immerse, time disperse happy (meaningless)
it is coerced Shakespeare reverse (what?)
tragedies isn't curse. (why plural, surely singular: "tragedy"- still don't get it- please explain.)
Chin I am just at awe with your intellectual composition.
I am a fan of short lines. It is easier to read.
Thanks for going through this piece haha
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a lesson in
life is a pound
in sound
it reminds us
it is expensive a fine
so bear one
in mind
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  #4  
Old 10-12-2018, 07:38 PM
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i personally like choppy lines. fragmentation can go a long way with double entendres.
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