WritersBeat.com
 

Go Back   WritersBeat.com > Write Here > Poetry

Poetry Sit down or take a stand in this poetry section.


Crooked Winds

Reply
 
Thread Tools
  #1  
Old 10-09-2018, 03:45 PM
Yonathan1 (Offline)
Profusive Denizen
Official Member
 
Join Date: May 2016
Location: Toronto, Canada
Posts: 274
Thanks: 17
Thanks 27
Default Crooked Winds


Where’s the bigger picture in
that crooked 90 degree smile?

It’s supposed to be celestial white
ballgowns swaying in tumbling whirlwinds.

Reply With Quote
  #2  
Old 10-12-2018, 11:20 AM
Chinspinner's Avatar
Chinspinner (Offline)
Heartbreaking Writer of Staggering Genius
Official Member
 
Join Date: Aug 2012
Posts: 1,317
Thanks: 204
Thanks 230
Default

Where’s the bigger picture [in] drop a line?
that crooked [90 degree] smile? [] necessary, reads and flows better without. You need two more syllables here, but not any of the 4 you chose. "sneering" if you want it to be harsh... "mocking"... not sure what you're after...

It’s supposed to be celestial white- like that
ballgowns swaying in tumbling whirlwinds. - like that.
Reply With Quote
Reply

  WritersBeat.com > Write Here > Poetry


Thread Tools

Posting Rules
You may not post new threads
You may not post replies
You may not post attachments
You may not edit your posts

BB code is On
Smilies are On
[IMG] code is On
HTML code is Off


Similar Threads
Thread Thread Starter Forum Replies Last Post
Crooked Hillary Clinton Dominates Kenneth Starr Torontohockeyre Non-Fiction 2 05-31-2016 10:13 AM
Autumn Winds - Part 2 (2900 words) dminor1958 Fiction 6 09-27-2008 09:19 AM
Nuruddin Farah: From A Crooked Rib Stewart The Library 0 10-09-2006 05:16 AM
Kona Winds starrwriter Fiction 1 05-13-2006 09:21 AM


All times are GMT -8. The time now is 12:53 PM.

vBulletin, Copyright © 2000-2006, Jelsoft Enterprises Ltd.