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Lost

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  #1  
Old 10-08-2013, 06:06 PM
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Most are never sure what theyíre doing, but then again who does. In a downward spiral not knowing what direction is which. It goes farther than skin deep but the question is how deep. The questioning of everything is the only conclusion I can come to when I donít know whatís going on. The hole is so dark and deep you donít know if youíll ever get out. We look for something to compare our lives to but do you ever find the right equivalent? There is the case where we think we never will. I donít want to make it seem that this is a cry for help but the mind can be quite deceptive to one. The fear of walking in darkness before you get a resolve is always there. Aimlessly wandering the road of contemplation not knowing what is ahead. The way I see things is that a majority of life is shrouded with misconception. We like to think if we have a plan everything will be ok but the truth is thereís always the possibility that the turn out wonít be what we wanted. Youíre not the only one who gets this feeling though. I canít say youíre lost right at the moment neither but youíll reach that junction in life eventually Iím sure. I donít wish to put it into a negative context but the reality is life is unpredictable. Being lost isnít always the worst thing that could happen. You can find yourself in the midst of the all the confusion if you try hard enough. I can honestly say I found myself lost throughout writing this. The constant pausing to think of what word to put next had me frazzled. So there are many different kinds of interpretations for ďLostĒ to certain people. Just donít get consumed by the feeling of lost on your journey through life.

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ďGood art provides people with a vocabulary about things they canít articulate.Ē ~Mos Def
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  #2  
Old 10-12-2013, 03:49 PM
garviel (Offline)
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Hi

Since no one else have given you any feedback yet, I am having a go at it
I think the idea of being lost, and what that could feel like comes across quite well, albeit slightly hampered by the fact that this story was difficult to read. Some sentences are vague and ambiguous, and a few places they don't appear to quite fit together. There are a few grammar mistakes here too.

Most are never sure what theyíre doing, but then again who does.
but then again who is
I also would recommend saying Some are never sure ... otherwise the then again phrase does not really work.


In a downward spiral not knowing what direction is which.
Hmm, this sentence is neither here nor there. I feel something is missing, because it does not really tell me anything.


It goes farther than skin deep but the question is how deep. The questioning of everything is the only conclusion I can come to when I donít know whatís going on. The hole is so dark and deep you donít know if youíll ever get out.
Maybe it was intentional to keep it vague in regards to what is actually going on here, I felt it was hard to find a tangible meaning here.
It goes farther than skin deep - what goes farther than skin deep? the downward spiral or the not knowing what direction is which?

The hole is so dark and deep - Which hole? The downward spiral? Or are you refering to a mental state of depression for example? Maybe the downward spiral is representing depression or becoming lost, but that is not very clear to me as a reader.


... but the mind can be quite deceptive to one.
Remove to one. It is not necessary to get the point across


The fear of walking in darkness before you get a resolve is always there.
I am not sure if this is grammatically correct. Can you use the word resolve as an object?


Being lost isnít always the worst thing that could happen. You can find yourself in the midst of the all the confusion if you try hard enough.
First sentence is fine. Second one did not make sense to me. Because why would one try hard to get more confused?


There is a kind of philosophical theme to this piece which is interesting. Although I get your idea here (I think), it was difficult for to me to connect with this piece. However, I think that is because of technical issues and not the story which has potential. But you need to get the story a bit more coherent in my opinion.

Is this a stand-alone piece or the beginning of a story, a prologue perhaps ?


Keep at it. A bit of editing and this piece should start to come together nicely

Garviel


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Old 10-22-2013, 12:02 PM
ritajordan82 (Offline)
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After reading your work, the following are my suggestions:


Most are never sure what they’re doing, but then again who does; in a downward spiral not knowing what direction is which.
The grammatical errors are highlighted in red.


We like to think if we have a plan, everything will be ok, but the truth is there’s always the possibility that the turn out won’t be what we wanted.
The grammatical errors are highlighted in red.
I'd write the sentence as follows: We like to think if we have a plan, everything will be ok, but the truth is there's always the possibility that the outcome won't satisfy our desires.


I can’t say you’re lost right at the moment, (neither) but you’ll reach that junction in life eventually, I’m sure.
You can find yourself in the midst of (the) all the confusion if you try hard enough.
I would strike out 'neither.'
I would strike out 'the'.
The grammatical errors are highlighted in red.


(So there are many different kinds of interpretations for “Lost” to certain people.)
I would say this instead: Therefore, to define “Lost” is contingent upon the individual.

My opinion of the overall writing is it’s a bit difficult to follow. I love the topic “Lost” but this particular writing is a bit ambiguous. It’s unclear where exactly you’re going with the it. Nevertheless, I still find it intriguing. I think some more thought and work, this could really be a great read.

Last edited by ritajordan82; 10-22-2013 at 12:08 PM..
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