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Cliche #19 - This Little Girl Is Capable of Murder

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Old 09-16-2012, 08:50 PM
2Men&aLoveStory (Offline)
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Icon1 Cliche #19 - This Little Girl Is Capable of Murder


This is my take on the prompt for a female killer. Her name's Haley and she's two twenty-eight. I know it's not great but I hope it's not horrible :-) The title is from This Little Girl (Murder) by Caty Groves. Warning for adult language. If it goes against guidelines (still new to the site!) I'll be glad to remove it. Thanks for reading!

******

She loved to watch her brother suffer. He thought they were so alike, but he couldn’t have been more wrong. They shared raven colored hair and eyes so blue they seemed to be encompassed by the ocean, but their similarities ended there. They were fire and ice, night and day. He was the innocence to her twisted immorality. As children, he looked after her. Idiot. He took away everything she loved and then he had the nerve to act like he cared?

He was coming to. The drugs were not anywhere close to out of his system; the syringe she had shoved into his carotid would keep him helpless for awhile. His long, black eyelashes fluttered as he opened his eyes. She slapped him awake, relishing the surprise in his gaze when it fixed on her groggily. The fading evening light poured through the stained glass windows of the cathedral. The muted colors danced across his pale face.

“Weren’t expecting this, were you, big brother?” Her voice was like a wind chime caught in the gusts of a storm, beauty surrounding by chaos.

“What…why?” he asked around a thick tongue.

She laughed without humor, running a coil of wire through her fingers. “Everything I did, I did to impress Mom, but you were always her little angel. Where were you when she was dying, huh?”

His eyes had been trying to fall shut again but they reopened at that. “I didn’t know until she was hospitalized for the cancer. You know I hate myself for not being there.”

“What’s your excuse for Jax? I loved him more than you ever dreamed about and he loved me, too. I was his fucking queen. But he still kept going back to you.” She grabbed him by the arm and hauled him up with more strength than seemed to be in her lithe body. “No matter,” she added as the drugs pulled him back under. “It’s all going to be over soon.”

His semiconscious form was heavy but she managed to lean him against the crucifix. Always the good Catholic, surely he wouldn’t mind dying in a church. She wrapped the strong wire around each of his wrists, tying it off several times to make sure it would hold. The stubborn ass must have been fighting the drugs, because his eyes again opened to look at her as she started winding the rest of the wire around his neck.

By now he was too weak to talk. All the better; she never wanted to hear that deep rasp again. She stared into him as she tightened the wire around his neck. The more she pulled, the more labored his breathing became. His hands would be turning blue soon from lack of circulation. The collar of silver wire around his neck would keep oxygen from going to his brain. For thirty years he had made her life miserable, and now he was going to get what was coming to him.

All her life she’d waited, and she finally got to stare into his eyes as he died.


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Old 11-04-2012, 09:20 AM
Anonick (Offline)
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It's not horrible at all. Nice ending, and some good lines "asked around a thick tongue".

I thought the motivations were a bit cliched, the 'you were mom's favourite' and 'you stole my boyfriend'. I love how you build the atmosphere, but such things jar with me sometimes.
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Old 11-04-2012, 09:39 AM
2Men&aLoveStory (Offline)
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Thanks so much for the kind words! Reading over it a second time, I see where the motivations are pretty overdone. I'm also cursing autocorrect for "surrounding by chaos," when it's supposed to be "surrounded by chaos." As for the motivations, this scene is inspired by a much longer project I'm working on, so they're a little more fleshed out and believable there (: Or at least I hope so!
Thanks again for reading, if you ever want feedback on something just drop me a line.
Much love!
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