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Contest Results | Poetry | Unspecified (March 2008)

 
 
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Old 03-31-2008, 10:39 AM
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Default Contest Results | Poetry | Unspecified (March 2008)


We had a fairly hefty turnout this month, but there was not much competition for the first place. Congratulations to KCraig for securing the position! Your entry will be featured in the next issue of In Pencil, and if you are so inclined, you may join us in judging next month's Poetry contest.

We would also like you to stand up and give Baron a round of applause for assisting us in this month's judging. His help was invaluable to us. Thank you!

The individual scores and averages are as follows:
KCraig: 16 (16, 16, 16, 16)
Nrnowlin: 15.4 (15, 18.5, 17, 11)
Tau Worlock: 15.1 (16, 14.5 14, 16)
Sandra Bonaldi: 14 (14.5, 15.5, 14, 12)
Mammamaia: 13.9 (13, 15.5, 14, 12)
Night Owl: 13.9 (15, 15.5, 15, 10)
~Wishful writer~: 13.5 (14.5, 12.5, 13, 14)
Zeb: 13.3 (13.5, 12.5, 14, 13)
Super sorry: 12.25 (13, 15, 15, 16)
Maylet: 9.6 (10, 9.5, 9, 10)

Originally Posted by Queen of Wands
Member Name: _zeb_
Title: Heart’s Beat

Mechanics: 4/5
Intangibles: 3.5/5
Overall Impression: 6/10

Comments: A simple poem, simply expressed. Nothing to dislike, but nothing that wins me over either. If you had, perhaps, found something new to say on the subject, or a new way of saying it, I might have scored this higher.

Score: 13.5/20

****************************************
Member Name: KCraig
Title: Clickety Insect Limbs

Mechanics: 4/5
Intangibles: 4/5
Overall Impression: 8/10

Comments: A certain someone has been teaching me to read poetry in a genre I previously ignored, and thanks to his direction, I can appreciate this. It’s like a wonderful, lyrical Beat poem for modern times. I like.

Score: 16/20

****************************************
Member Name: maylet
Title: Once and for all

Mechanics: 2/5
Intangibles: 3/5
Overall Impression: 5/10

Comments: I read this when it was first posted; it was suggested then that you correct the SPAG errors because they distracted from the message, and pare this down to heighten the impact. You have done neither, and that surprises me. As it stands, this is only okay but it could be more if you put the work into it.

Score: 10/20

****************************************
Member Name: ~WishfulWriter~
Title: The Arrow

Mechanics: 4/5
Intangibles: 3.5/5
Overall Impression: 7/10

Comments: There are some SPAG errors that need attention and the meter is off in a few places. Still, the poem itself is uplifting with a positive message. Overall, a good effort.

Score: 14.5/20

****************************************
Member Name: mammamaia
Title: cynics not allowed?

Mechanics: 3.5/5
Intangibles: 3.5/5
Overall Impression: 6/10

Comments: The repetition of ‘so’ to open various stanzas weakened the impact of the statements that followed. I also had trouble with some of the punctuation, and found the meter erratic. As for the content, I am a hardened cynic, but your message was lost in a welter of extraneous words that added nothing, so it failed to deliver.

Score: 13/20

****************************************
Member Name: nrmowlin
Title: Many Faces of One

Mechanics: 3.5/5
Intangibles: 3.5/5
Overall Impression: 8/10

Comments: There was at least one spelling error, and I’m not sure about the use of colorably here (def: plausible, but not genuine). Still, I enjoyed your subject matter, and the pride and love that inspired your lines reached out to me, so that won me over.

Score: 15/20

****************************************
Member Name: NightOwl
Title: Sitting in the Sun

Mechanics: 4/5
Intangibles: 4/5
Overall Impression: 7/10

Comments: It’s difficult to find fault when you tell us this was written for your deceased relative, however, I must, in fairness, approach this as objectively as possible. So, I had a few issues with the punctuation. Also, like Zeb’s poem, while there is nothing here to dislike, nor is there anything that sets it apart. So it’s good, but just good.

Score: 15/20

****************************************
Member Name: Tau Worlock
Title: Shield of Bronze

Mechanics: 3.5/5
Intangibles: 4.5/5
Overall Impression: 8 10

Comments: Unfortunately, there is a spelling error in each of the stanzas, and that has to cost you. On the other hand, I love the language of this piece, the juxtaposition of hard and soft, liquid and solid. This reminds me of Fool’s Gold, and I suspect it is a re-working. In any case, I like it.

Score: 16/20

****************************************
Member Name: Sandra Bonaldi
Title: Cause and Effect

Mechanics: 4/5
Intangibles: 3.5/5
Overall Impression: 7/10

Comments: You’ve gone for rhyming stanzas, which I admire, but my problems are predominantly with punctuation and meter. While I don’t object to punctuation at each line end, I think some here is incorrect; as for the meter, it is uneven. Most of the stanzas have between 40-45 beats. Stanza 2 has a slim 35, while stanzas 7 and 8 weigh in at a hefty 54 and 55. I suggest you pare this down by losing some of the unnecessary words to create a stronger piece.

Score: 14.5/20

****************************************
Member Name: super sorry
Title: Coffee

Mechanics: 3/5
Intangibles: 4/5
Overall Impression: 6/10

Comments: Short and to the point, but in such a minimal piece, you cannot afford to make errors. I spotted two: a semi-colon where a comma should be, and south instead of soothe. But for those two faults, I would have scored this higher.

Score: 13/20

****************************************
Originally Posted by Icarus
Title: Hearts Beat
Member: _zeb_

Mechanics: 3.5/5
Intangibles: 3/5
Overall Impression: 6/10

I like the idea of this person falling in love again every time his/her heart skips a beat and all in all it’s a cute concept. I think you could better portray the skip, though, as opposed to blatantly saying *Skip*. Also, I would like to see some punctuation and perhaps some more depth to the first few lines.

Score: 12.5/20

*****

Title: Clickety Insect Limbs
Member: KCraig

Mechanics: 5/5
Intangibles: 4/5
Overall Impression: 7/10

Interesting. Some nice images, but I’m not sure how I feel about some of the repetition. It also seemed a bit disjointed—in particular the introduction of Annie felt a bit out of the blue.

Score: 16/20

*****

Title: maylet
Member: Once and for all

Mechanics: 2/5
Intangibles: 2.5/5
Overall Impression: 5/10

I think this would work better as prose than poetry. There is little organization and it could use some trimming. Also, there are plenty of grammar issues that I know are a result of English being your second language. Any strength this subject might have is lost in the length and redundancy.

Score: 9.5/20

*****

Title: The Arrow
Member: ~WishfulWriter~

Mechanics: 3.5/5
Intangibles: 3/5
Overall Impression: 6/10

Cute, but perhaps a little too cute. Some decent rhymes, but overall a little too sweet for my tastes, like something I might read in a Hallmark card. I really think you could give this more power and improve upon it.

Score: 12.5/20

*****

Title: cynics not allowed?
Member: mammamaia

Mechanics: 4.5/5
Intangibles: 4/5
Overall Impression: 7/10

The lack of punctuation was at times a little distracting. My opinion is if you’re going to use some commas and quotation/exclamation marks, you might as well throw in the periods, too. I didn’t really like the repetition of so to start most of the verses; it felt forced and perhaps unnecessary. I did like the scapegoat for the blind and deaf bit.

Score: 15.5/20

*****

Title: Many Faces of One
Member: nrnowlin

Mechanics: 4.5/6
Intangibles: 5/5
Overall Impression: 9/10

This could have been cliché and this could have been tiresome, but it wasn’t. I thought it was fresh and quite delightful. Some very nice images and word choices. One spelling goof that I wish you had caught. Well done. I just hope you aren’t a one-post wonder….

Score: 18.5/20

*****

Title: Sitting in the Sun
Member: NightOwl

Mechanics: 4.5/5
Intangibles: 4/5
Overall Impression: 7/10

This felt a little too wordy for me. I think you could trim excess words out and make it flow better. Also, the first full stanza didn’t really connect with the rest of the poem for me, however, I like the general concept and it wasn’t overly sentimental, which I appreciated.

Score: 15.5/20

*****

Title: Shield of Bronze
Member: Tau Worlock

Mechanics: 3.5/5
Intangibles: 4/5
Overall Impression:7/10

A few spelling errors, but some nice language. It has a good cadence to it, but it lacks punch. I kept hoping you would connect it back to Achilles and his famous shield, or any other ancient heroes.

Score: 14.5

*****

Title: Cause and Effect
Member: Sandra Bonaldi

Mechanics: 4.5/5
Intangibles: 4/5
Overall Impression: 7/10

This was well done, but I found it hard to connect to, as though the relatively strict structure you imposed prevented more deep feeling from emerging. As for the structure, I believe the meter was off in some places (a few too many syllables here and there). Also, I think it might be more powerful with fewer unanswered questions—but that might just be because questions in poetry aren’t my favorite thing.

Score: 15.5/20

*****

Title: Coffee
Member: super sorry

Mechanics: 4/5
Intangibles: 4/5
Overall Impression: 7/10

I think you mean soothe, not south. In such a short poem, it’s crucial that you have no mistakes. I like your descriptions of coffee, though.

Score: 15/20
Originally Posted by Mridula
Member: _zeb_
Title: Hearts Beat

Mechanics: 4/5
Intangibles: 3/5
Overall Impression: 7/10

Comments: I didn’t connect with this at all. There’s nothing wrong with it in terms of structure, but I didn’t feel any emotion while reading it. Perhaps a bit of fleshing out would help.

Score: 14/20
----------------------

Member: KCraig
Title: Clickety Insect Limbs

Mechanics: 5/5
Intangibles: 4/5
Overall Impression: 7/10

Comments: This was an interesting poem. I particularly liked your use of imagery.

Score: 16/20
----------------------

Member: maylet
Title: Once and For All

Mechanics: 2/5
Intangibles: 2/5
Overall Impression: 5/10

Comments: The grammatical errors and typos put me off immediately. I can empathize with the theme, but that’s all the connection I felt with the poem.

Score: 9/20
----------------------

Member: ~Wishful Writer~
Title: The Arrow

Mechanics: 3/5
Intangibles: 3/5
Overall Impression: 7/10

Comments: The message is good, but I’m not so sure about the medium. This would have created more of an impact if it didn’t seem so much like a sing-along.

Score: 13/20
----------------------

Member: mammamaia
Title: Cynics Not Allowed?

Mechanics: 3/5
Intangibles: 4/5
Overall Impression: 7/10

Comments: I liked the flow of the poem, but I feel that it took too long to make its point. I also agree with the comments on the ‘so’ reducing the impact. I particularly enjoyed the second to last stanza; it had the most impact.

Score: 14/20
----------------------

Member: nrnowlin
Title: Many Faces of One

Mechanics: 4/5
Intangibles: 4/5
Overall Impression: 9/10

Comments: I like your take on your subject matter. The succinctness here worked the charm for me. I enjoyed the meaning behind this poem.

Score: 17/20
----------------------

Member: NightOwl
Title: Sitting in the Sun

Mechanics: 4/5
Intangibles: 4/5
Overall Impression: 7/10

Comments: A good read. The emotion comes across, but not so blatant as to be offensive. However, I feel this might work better in prose.

Score: 15/20
----------------------

Member: Tau Worlock
Title: Shield of Bronze

Mechanics: 3/5
Intangibles: 3/5
Overall Impression: 8/10

Comments: The imagery was vivid, but spelling and punctuation issues detracted from the overall read. Once that is corrected, this would be a more impactful poem.

Score: 14/20
----------------------

Member: Sandra Bonaldi
Title: Cause and Effect

Mechanics: 4/5
Intangibles: 3/5
Overall Impression: 7/10

Comments: While I did not notice anything structurally wrong with this, I didn’t see anything remarkable either. There wasn’t much here that makes it stand out from the crowd.

Score: 14/20
----------------------

Member: super sorry
Title: Coffee

Mechanics: 3/5
Intangibles: 4/5
Overall Impression: 8/10

Comments: I liked this for its length. Short, sweet, and to the point. However, as this is so short, you have to be particular about errors, which is the reason for less points.

Score: 15/20
----------------------
Originally Posted by Baron
Zeb - Hearts Beat

Mechanics - 4/5
Intangibles – 3/5
Overall impression – 6/10

Very simple, word economical and amusing; not a great deal more that I can say.


Score: 13/20

-----------


KCraig - Clickety Insect Limbs

Mechanics - 4/5
Intangibles – 4/5
Overall Impression – 8/10

I enjoyed reading this one. Some good imagery.


Score: 16/20

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Maylet - Once and for all


Mechanics - 2/5
Intangibles – 2/5
Overall impression – 6/10

This was full of grammatical errors, spelling errors and typos. It needed to be much shorter as after the first stanza it just dragged on in a very tired theme.


Score: 10/20

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Wishful Writer - The Arrow

Mechanics - 3/5
Intangibles – 3/5
Overall impression - 8/10

I found this to be one of the most memorable poems of the contest. I would prefer no punctuation to the partial punctuation of this piece but still enjoyed it.

Score: 14/20

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Mammamaia - cynics not allowed?

Mechanics - 3/5
Intangibles – 3/5
Overall Impression – 6/10

I found this one very preachy. The saving grace is that it has good flow and is well constructed.


Score: 12/20

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Nmowlin - "Many Faces of One"

Mechanics - 2/5
Intangibles – 3/5
Overall impression – 6/10

If it wasn’t for the bad punctuation and spelling mistakes this would have been a good poem.


Score: 11/20

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Night Owl - Sitting in the Sun

Mechanics - 2/5
Intangibles – 2/5
Overall impression – 6/10

I read this more as badly punctuated prose laid out in a poetic format. I know that the lines are fine these days but to me this one disn’t do it.


Score: 10/20

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Tau Worlock - Shield of Bronze


Mechanics - 4/5
Intangibles – 4/5
Overall impression – 8/10

Well composed and good imagery.


Score: 16/20

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Sandra Bonaldi - Cause and Effect

Mechanics - 3/5
Intangibles – 3/5
Overall impression – 6/10

I think that this poem could have been trimmed to half the length and been the better for it. As it is there is nothing original and it relies much on cliché phrases.


Score: 12/20

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Super sorry - Coffee

Mechanics - 4/5
Intangibles – 4/5
Overall impression – 8/10

A nice short that makes its point.

Score: 16/20

-----------

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Old 03-31-2008, 01:12 PM
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wtg KCraig! evryone did great poems in this compitation, hope to se many this good later on.. ty lots fthe coments also they helped
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Old 04-10-2008, 10:37 AM
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Thanks much to all the judges. And congratulations to all for participating. Good luck with the next competition!

I'd love to participate in the judging... just drop me a line with specifics. Thanks much.

Kevin
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Old 04-13-2008, 07:25 AM
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Late as always, well done KCraig, and all the rest of you.

You right QoW it is a rewrite of Fool’s Gold.
Spelling mistakes, I though I had got rid of them

*goes and cheeks*

I submitted the wrong version stupid stupid stupid!

Icarus, I never occurred to me to link this to Achilles, though now that you say it it would be good thing, maybe in the next rewrite, thanks.
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