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My Love and I

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Old 08-01-2009, 08:07 PM
SpenceM (Offline)
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My Love and I

She grunted softly, and then rolled over so that she was facing towards me. Her eyelids fluttered, and then opened completely. Watching her open her eyes was like watching the Caribbean Sea come out of a black hole. It was beautiful. “Hey...” She said groggily, and then turned over and took a swig out of the worn purple water canister beside her. Then she looked back at me. “What time do we have to leave today?” She asked slowly. I know by the sound of her voice that she was tired, not just from the recent sleep, but tired of the routine. I brought myself out of the small hole and swerved my head from left to right. Then I came back down. “Soon, I’d say.” I could tell she was disappointed, because she groaned and then turned over. I waited for a bit, to let her rest some more. She needed it badly; we had been walking for the past week, barely stopping to rest. I stared at the back of her head. Her flowing, dark hair swept in a curve down her back and onto the sweater she was using as a pillow. After admiring her looks for a while longer, I spoke. “We have to leave, hun. There’s only so much daylight, you know.” There was silence, and then she said something softly that I interpreted as “Alright”. After we had packed up all of our necessary belongings into our individual green backpacks, we climbed out of the pit. We walked along the worn dirt path that many before us had also trudged on, and I looked out to survey the area. When we had arrived at the shelter the night before, it had been too dark to even distinguish things twenty feet away from us. I looked to my left and saw she too was looking outwards. I smiled and returned sightseeing. All that was around us, that was living at least, was scattered cactuses. Many of them were grayish brown, and near death. They looked like limp bags of pale dirt, strewn across a beach. Except there was no water anywhere in sight to make it an actual beach. I looked forward and continued to walk with her. My love.

We came to a deep crevice in the earth, at least thirty feet across. It was impossible to tell how deep it was. We stood there together, searching down in the seemingly endless pit. Hope I don’t fall, I thought, and then took a few steps back. She still stood there though, in her dirt stained blue tank top, studying the crevice. “I found a rope.” She said bluntly, but in a surprised tone. I half gasped. I was a bit shocked, and then proud of her that she noticed something so insignificant. When I came up to her, she was pointing one tanned finger a little ways to the left, where there was a large wooden peg sticking out of the ground. The rope was attached to it, and it seemed pretty sturdy. Looks can be deceiving, though…I thought, and then started to stride over to the discovery. “We better make sure it’s not some kind of trap, or something.” I called back to her as I walked. I heard a chuckle from behind me. “Oh, don’t be so paranoid.” She laughed, and I craned my neck to see her smiling at me, with those beautiful Caribbean eyes. I couldn’t help but smile back. All of the sudden, her expression went from loving to completely horrified in a second flat. “Watch yourself!” She screamed, and I turned around to see my front foot push itself into the nothingness of the hole. “Fuck!” I screamed as I started to fall to an unavoidable death. How would she go on without me? I was carrying all of the supplies in my backpack. The food, the water, the blankets… I started to cry while I fell, and I screamed her name. Luckily for me, fate determined the next move. Just before I plunged into total darkness, I caught a glimpse of the straw colored rope beside me. I reached out towards it, and felt my right hand connect with the rough, yet soft material. As I held onto the rope with my life, I swung right into the crevice wall with such force that it knocked the wind out of me. But I held tight. I could not let her, my love, be left alone. I screamed her name once more. “I’m alright!” I wheezed, and then started to pull myself out of Death’s grip. Soon, I heard her faint crying, and sometimes she uttered a couple swears. “I’m coming! I won’t leave you, ever.” I yelled harshly. Finally, I reached light. Beautiful, beautiful light. I was even more thrilled to see her face again, though. If I had to live with her in the depths of this crevice, with only one thing, all I would need would be a lighter. To see her wonderful, awe-inspiring face. I climbed up the ragged rope and onto the ground. I looked up, and saw her crying over me. Her tears fell like tiny water drops onto my face, and I leaned forward and kissed her.

“I don’t know what I would’ve done if you had died.” She said as the walked down the path. I kicked a tiny dust covered stone in front of me, and nodded in agreement. Then she spoke again. “Wait, I know. I would have shot myself. I cannot live without you.” I looked up at her with much love, and then in surprise. “You have the gun?” I asked curiously. I had always kept it in my backpack. She nodded, though, and then said, “I put it in my bag last night after I finished my look out shift. I guess I forgot to tell you.” She looked at me with those Caribbean eyes, pleading my forgiveness. Of course I would forgive her. I could not be angry with the one I loved so dearly. “It’s okay, forget about it.” I whispered, and then kissed her forehead. As I pulled away, she exclaimed, “Hey, look!” I searched forward for the object she was so excited with, and it took me a while. She had better eyesight than I did, and we both knew it. Finally, I saw a lone, brown, one story condo. It hardly looked like a condo at all, but more like a spruced up shack. I smiled wide, showing my perfect white teeth. Somehow they had stayed clean the whole time we had been in this desert. “Lets go check it out, then.” I concluded, and then walked toward it with her. My love.

Jeremy
Jeremy stood in the back doorway of the shelter he shared with his friend, Cal, smoking a large brown cigar. He inhaled the toxin filled stick into his mouth, and then exhaled. A cloud of smoke escaped from his mouth, and suddenly he thought of dragons. He had always wanted to be one when he was a young child. But that was in the distant past, and it puzzled him as to why he thought of it. Suddenly, he heard Cal yell from inside the house. He let his cigar dully fall to the dirt and stamped it out, then walked though the wooden doorframe. “You called?” He asked Cal, and then Cal pointed a dark crooked thumb towards the window. “Looks like we got a survivor on our hands here. Seems to be carrying someone. Could be a child.” Cal filled him in as Jeremy stood at the window, peering out into the bright sunlight. He was shocked to find he did see a man carrying someone. He also looked like he was carrying a couple knapsacks of some sort. “Should we go out and meet ‘em?” Jeremy asked, still looking out at the new figures growing bigger on the horizon. Cal coughed, and then replied, “Nah, we’ll let them come here. I’m pretty sure they see our house, it’s the only thing around that’s not a dead cactus.” Jeremy nodded, and then continued to stare at the man and the child.

Soon Jeremy noticed that the two people would be approaching the house shortly. He realized that the man was not holding a child, but a young woman. Yet, something about the young woman struck him as odd, but he shook it off and went to stand by the door so he could give them a proper greeting. After five minutes, he heard a loud knock on the wooden door, so he shouted for Cal to come meet them. After all, these were the first people they had seen since the whole thing happened. Before he opened the door, though, he had a strange feeling that he should look through the peephole. He glanced down at the brass hole, and bent to look through it. He threw up at the sight that beheld him. A man was holding the corpse of a young woman, who looked like she had died a couple weeks ago. All she was now was a brown, rotting, heap of flesh. Her eyes had completely decomposed, leaving two dark holes through her shrunken, moldy head. Jeremy shuddered. But what he saw next terrified him more than anything he had seen in his entire life. The man was talking to the corpse, babbling on about surviving or something. Then, he bent down and kissed the corpse’s dry, dirt colored lips. Jeremy could not stand the sight anymore, so he turned around and threw up on the hardwood floor. The green chunks and yellow spew would stain the floor, but that was the least of his worries. This man was obviously insane. Cal walked into the room at that moment, and was shocked to see his friend kneeling down and holding his stomach, a large amount of bile hanging from his lips. “Jeremy…” Cal started, but he was interrupted. “Cal, whatever you do, don’t fucking open that door.” Jeremy said as he looked up at a now confused Cal. All of the sudden, the doorknob started to turn. Jeremy and Cal both swore and waited for the psycho to enter their home.

My Love and I
I waited patiently with her at the door, and then asked her to get out her backpack. “Why?” She asked curiously, but did as she was told. As soon as I found what I was looking for, I spoke. “Because,” I started, twirling the gun in my left hand, “there might be some crazy people living in this house, and I don’t want anything to happen to you, hun.” She smiled, and then hugged me close to her. I put the gun in my pocket and kissed her softly. She deserves more kisses than I give her, I thought, she’s the only one I have left. We waited together for one more minute, and then I turned the doorknob. “No sense in waiting for them.” I told her, and then opened the door. Two men were standing there, with shocked and disgusted looks on their old, deeply lined faces. “Why didn’t you answer us?” I asked them, commandingly. The one near what seemed to be puke spoke first. “Please, you have to get rid of that.” He trembled, and then looked at my love. I looked from him, to her, and then back to him. “That? This is my love, and I will never leave her.” Both men looked sick to their stomachs, and that made me angry. All we need is some supplies, and maybe a bed, and they’re acting like my love and I are foreign…worst of all, they’re insulting her…. The second man spoke now, but much more slowly and cautiously. “Look, friend, we can help you. We know you’ve got a problem, and we-” I cut him off, furious at his comment. “SHE is not a problem, I think you two are the problems, really. Have you never experienced love? True love? I think not, and that is why you weren’t meant to continue on our journey toward rebuilding the planet, my friends.” I pulled the gun out of my pocket, and loaded it. They both gasped in horror. “Please, no, we-” But I cut him off for a second time. He had no right to insult my love. No right at all. I shot them both, right through the heart. I looked over at her, but she did not seem to mind the violence. She just stared on. I thought this was strange, but of course I shook it off. Though, this was the first time she had done that…I shook it off once more. “C’mon.” I said to her. “There isn’t anything here for us.” She smiled at me and agreed, nodding her head. I kissed her again. I loved her so much, I couldn’t help myself. We left the house then, and continued the trail to our freedom of the desert. She looked at me once more, and I looked at her. We both smiled, and then she turned away and stared to her side. So I looked forward, continuing to walk on forever with her. My love.

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Old 08-01-2009, 08:21 PM
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LOL

Ok, Im suppose to be the one who sees the shadows that arent there but whoah I was so not ready fo the twist when it came

Usually I read a piece and I expect someone to die or say "I see dead people" but I totally missed this one.

I was so distracted by the voices thoughts and how scattered they were ready to complain about his insane way of thinking and then duh...he's freakin crazy

Good job
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Old 08-01-2009, 09:39 PM
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I liked it. On the fucked up side, but I liked it.

Anyway, the middle piece really offset the weird, lovey-dovey/blind adoration feeling in the first part. Also excused the 'I won't go on without you' melodrama as well with the ending twist.The fact that the main narrator is off his rocker jives with the obsessive, desperate quality of his interactions (even if they are a product of his mind) with his dead lady. Very good. Do find it kind of odd that he doesn't refer to her by name though. Even if the 'my love' bit is meant to emphasize his obsession with her, seemed like it could be toned down a little.

Final part was a nice close, though, it struck me as a bit lacklustre. I'm curious as to why the guy and his corpse girl simply continued on without staying at the house. The first bit sets up for the expectation that they're definitely going to make use of it one way or another (unless someone interfered, but that seems taken care of with shooting the previous inhabitants). And even though he did kill them, if he has the sense to stay alive himself, wouldn't he at least ransack the house for supplies? (Then again, the not-all-there aspect of his character probably lets him get away with this sudden change in thought.)

Also, out of curiosity, are corpses capable of molding in the desert? The whole dried out and not completely rotting thing makes sense, but molding in an arid desert?

Very much liked Jeremy and Cal's characters, quite vivid. Though I have to wonder, why did they bother to open the door/confront/acknowledge this stranger? A bit more clarity on the reasoning, or at least their reconciling the decision to not let him in at all at first, would be good to add.

Some nit-picks:
Watching her open her eyes was like watching the Caribbean Sea come out of a black hole.
Struck me as kinda awkward. I couldn't really picture it myself.

...dirt stained, blue tank top...
Reads a bit odd without a comma.

Her tears fell like tiny water drops onto my face...
Tears are tiny drops of water pretty much... There's some enzymes, minerals, and other bodily stuff in the total chemical composition, of course, but that's pretty much it. =/

I shot them both, right through the heart.
Can tell there's probably something symbolic in shooting them through the heart but from the way it's told, it seems a bit cartoon-y. Would suspect Cal and Jeremy would have the common sense to either run or take him down rather than just stand there and be shot at. Then again, it is through the eyes of a crazy man.

I looked over at her, but she did not seem to mind the violence. She just stared on. I thought this was strange, but of course I shook it off. Though, this was the first time she had done that…I shook it off once more.
Absolutely loved the subtlety of this. Not just getting the glimpse into her character as she once was, but also that jarring brush with the reality from his viewpoint, with the fact that she's dead, that the guy seems to be denying. Very nice.

And feel free to take my suggestions as just that - suggestions. Disregard or take as you will.
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Old 08-02-2009, 05:36 AM
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Thanks guys, especially Amnesia, I'm gonna edit it later using your suggestions. Thanks again
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