WritersBeat.com
 

Go Back   WritersBeat.com > Write Here > Poetry

Poetry Sit down or take a stand in this poetry section.


Words

Reply
 
Thread Tools
  #1  
Old 03-23-2014, 01:15 PM
ChillEye (Offline)
Let me introduce myself
New Author
 
Join Date: Mar 2014
Posts: 8
Thanks: 0
Thanks 2
Default Words


I hear the melancholy sonnets and haiku’s of the figure in the window
Speaking his words as the masses dance before him
A picture so vivid, the art of poetry reawakened from its slumber
The paradigm of the stratagem formed in the depths
Words are like bullets, ready to take the world by storm

A broken projector, projectiles ricochet from the stained glass
An everlasting light, drifting through the canyon, consuming the rocks
Plumbed deep for geodes, a new dawn, the crystal rain, skies
Words seeping from the paper, flooding the drawers
Words are like art, to bring new light to the darkness

The blood of a martyr, the stepping stones of a broken world
Apocalyptic visions, can they hear the voices of the dead
Like-minded, sharing the same insight in to the war-zone
The hunger for the minds of others consumes the king
The cement will lie broken on the grounds, houses crumble
Words can be destructive, to be used with caution

The sunset lies just out of reach, the little boy prays for salvation
In need of solace, peace of mind, he picks a poem up
Counting every letter of every sentence, absorbing the worlds
He paints a picture in his head of a thousand green fields
The images turn to visions, the visions turn to reality
A false world, some kind of lucidity
Words are our world, the influence of the people….

Reply With Quote
  #2  
Old 03-23-2014, 03:11 PM
Franklin's Avatar
Franklin (Offline)
Homer's Odyssey Was Nothing
Official Member
 
Join Date: Jan 2009
Location: Valley of the Daughter of the Stars
Posts: 1,164
Thanks: 797
Thanks 314
Default

I hear the melancholy sonnets and haikus of the old man in the window he speaks his words as the masses dance before him a picture so vivid, the art of poetry reawakened from its slumber the paradigm of the stratagem formed in the depths words are like bullets, ready to take the world by storm

A broken projector, projectiles ricochet from the stained glass
an everlasting light, drifting through the canyon, consuming the rocks
plumed deep for geodes, a new dawn, the crystal rain, skies
words seeping from the paper, flooding the drawers
words are like art, to bring new light to the darkness

The blood of a martyr, the stepping stones of a broken world
apocalyptic visions, can they hear the voices of the dead
like-minded, sharing the same insight in to the war-zone
the hunger for the minds of others consumes the king
the cement will lie broken on the grounds, houses crumble
words can be destructive, to be used with caution

the sunset lies just out of reach, the little boy prays for love
in need of solace, peace of mind, he picks a poem up
counting every letter of every sentence, absorbing the worlds
he paints a picture in his head of a thousand green fields
the images turn to visions, the visions turn to reality
a false world, some kind of lucidity
words are our world, the influence of the people....

kielan Jepson

Are you kielan Jepson???
__________________
apagewriter.blogspot.com

Last edited by Franklin; 03-23-2014 at 04:37 PM..
Reply With Quote
  #3  
Old 03-24-2014, 07:47 AM
ChillEye (Offline)
Let me introduce myself
New Author
 
Join Date: Mar 2014
Posts: 8
Thanks: 0
Thanks 2
Default

Yes, I presume you found that off PoemHunter? As a long time ago I posted the poem up onto the web on a few sites, and it now appears on PoemHunter.

Sorry if it being already posted caused any issues, as I assure you that I am Kielan Jepson. Or if this violates any rules. I will gladly remove the poem if you wish. However I assure you I am the original author of the poem and would not wish to plagiarise anybodies work.

The reason for the minor changes in wording towards the end of the poem is that I revised it recently when I posted it up onto my Tumblr account, with word choices that I preferred, as it has been a long time since I wrote the original poem.

Sorry.

Last edited by ChillEye; 03-24-2014 at 07:55 AM..
Reply With Quote
The Following User Says Thank You to ChillEye For This Useful Post:
Franklin (03-24-2014)
  #4  
Old 03-24-2014, 09:02 AM
Franklin's Avatar
Franklin (Offline)
Homer's Odyssey Was Nothing
Official Member
 
Join Date: Jan 2009
Location: Valley of the Daughter of the Stars
Posts: 1,164
Thanks: 797
Thanks 314
Default

Thanks. Sorry if I caused you concern. It seems a fine poem. Not one I feel qualified to comment. Welcome aboard.
__________________
apagewriter.blogspot.com
Reply With Quote
  #5  
Old 03-24-2014, 02:00 PM
moonqueen (Offline)
Abnormally Articulate
Official Member
 
Join Date: Jul 2010
Location: Denver, CO
Posts: 110
Thanks: 19
Thanks 61
Icon7

Okay. Wow, I found a lot here I like.


"A picture so vivid, the art of poetry reawakened from its slumber
The paradigm of the stratagem formed in the depths
Words are like bullets, ready to take the world by storm"

"Words seeping from the paper, flooding the drawers
Words are like art, to bring new light to the darkness"

"he picks a poem up", probably just me, I'm a bit crazy, this way, but I totally dislike the line ending with the preposition without a comma or period. However, I think
'he picks up a poem' ends the confusion as to whether the sentence has ended, it no longer matters, really, especially with beginning every line with caps. (listen to me, I rarely use caps at all, for any reason, anywhere in my work.

Verse 3, in its entirety, otherwise. Oh hell, three and four. I love words in ways only another who does, as well, can begin to understand.

Thanks, so much, for posting. Truly enjoyed this read, all four times!

tammi

Last edited by moonqueen; 03-24-2014 at 02:04 PM..
Reply With Quote
  #6  
Old 03-25-2014, 03:32 AM
iDrew's Avatar
iDrew (Offline)
Heartbreaking Writer of Staggering Genius
Official Member
 
Join Date: Mar 2012
Location: Throwing wishes off the end of world's longest pier
Posts: 1,275
Thanks: 0
Thanks 444
Default

The sheer stodge of words flatters to deceive. I’ve tried to read this countless times, getting roughly half way then becoming overwhelmed in a fog of over-worded drivel. Added to this, problems with punctuation and poor line break choices, to read this has become a chore.

As I see it there needs to be focus.

It needs a savage edit.

It needs some poetic craft instead of just throwing abstract images at it.



xDrew
__________________

To view links or images in signatures your post count must be 10 or greater. You currently have 0 posts.
the CLUELESS COLLECTIVE’S
ALL NEW 21 OUT NOW
(min. system requirement: 1 working brain cell)
Reply With Quote
Reply

  WritersBeat.com > Write Here > Poetry


Thread Tools

Posting Rules
You may not post new threads
You may not post replies
You may not post attachments
You may not edit your posts

BB code is On
Smilies are On
[IMG] code is On
HTML code is Off


Similar Threads
Thread Thread Starter Forum Replies Last Post
Creep World (WIP) MalReynolds Fiction 21 09-07-2017 06:06 AM
Words on Paper MichalPietrasz Poetry 3 07-14-2009 02:26 AM
Contest Results l Poetry l Building on Three Words (August 2007) aprilrain Previous Contests 5 09-04-2007 01:31 PM


All times are GMT -8. The time now is 01:07 PM.

vBulletin, Copyright © 2000-2006, Jelsoft Enterprises Ltd.