WritersBeat.com
 

Go Back   WritersBeat.com > Write Here > Fiction

Fiction Novel excerpts, short stories, etc.


Murder at Willow Bridge

Reply
 
Thread Tools
  #1  
Old 03-16-2007, 05:29 PM
gunner's Avatar
gunner (Offline)
Abnormally Articulate
Official Member
 
Join Date: Feb 2007
Posts: 143
Thanks: 3
Thanks 2
Default Murder at Willow Bridge


Nothing to lose your head over

After a few glasses of red wine, I began to feel as though a velvet veil, soft and crimson in color, had fallen over me as I sat in the chair near the hearth. The roaring fire had caught the newly placed logs and the warmth was comforting. The wind lashed at the shutters, throwing them open and then banging them closed. The sound was as if someone were pounding on the outside of the house. Droplets of rain appeared on the window glass and in the distance there were flashes of lighting. A good evening to be under a velvet veil , next to the warmth of the hearth.

It was also, I was to learn later, a good night for murder.


The inspector for the police was at the door, his hands pushed deep into his overcoat pockets, his head lowered to shield himself from the driven rain. I quickly opened the Door, and as if blown by the wind, he rushed into the room, dripping wet, his hair, what there was of it, matted from the rain. He stomped his feet on the rug as I quickly closed the door.

“Well there,” he said. “What a fine mess it is out there.”

“Please inspector, let me take you coat and go take the chair next to the hearth.”

When I had put his coat on the hanger next to the door, I went to pour him a
Drink. “Inspector, are you allowed?” I ask, raising the glass in the air for him to see.
“I mean, are you on duty?”

“I am not allowed. I am on duty, but then I have had a very trying day, and the evening shows no promise.” He reached for the glass.



When the inspector had made himself comfortable next to the fire, having wiped and dabbed at his forehead and brow with a large, blue handkerchief, I raised my glass in a toast. He did the same and we sipped our wine. For a moment we both seemed intent on watching the fire as red, yellow and blue flames licked at the logs.

“Well then,” I started, pulling my attention back to the inspector, “what on earth brings you out here to Willow Bridge on such a night?” I was ready for another sip of wine, but though better of it . I sat my glass on the small table next to my chair.

“Strange goings on near here, Mister Williamston, not more than a mile from your place , just over the hill to the north.” The inspector pulled the large blue handkerchief out of his pocket and wiped his nose. “ On the land owned by old man Clarton.”

“Of course, I have spoken with Mr. Clarton, just in passing, at the market,a few times,” I offered. “He seemed a decent fellow, as much as I could tell, seeing him only those few times…at the market”

The inspector sipped at his wine, and looked around the room, no doubt making mental notes to review later.. His eyes came to rest on the table where my glass sat. “You are not enjoying your wine?” he asked, nodding in the direction of the table.

I shrugged. “It has been a nice evening by the fire and I fear I have overstepped my tolerance for this fine wine, but please don't let me stop you from enjoying your glass.” I smiled, and leaned forward. “And please, what has happened at Mr. Clarton’s place?”

“Terrible murders, two to be exact, a man and women.” He took another sip of wine. “They had no heads.”

“No heads?”

“Not that we have been able to find. “

I got up from the chair, pulled the poker from the stand and punched at the logs. “You don't think that Mr. Clarton had anything to do with this?” The fire roared with new life and the wood crackled and spit out small, hot tenders. I glanced at the poker with the smoke curling from its tip, and then to the inspector. “He seemed such a decent fellow, though we met only a few times at the market. Did I mention?" I placed the hot poker back into the stand and sat down.

“We are unable to find Mr. Clarton. It seems that he has locked up his place and left. From the looks of it, I would say he left sometime ago. The grass is overgrown, a window pain has been broken and there are two pad locks on the door.”

“That is strange. Why would he leave, do you think?”

The inspector sat his glass on the table next to his chair and pulled himself to his feet. He walked to the hearth and stood looking into the fire. “The bodies, the man and woman, they have been dead for only a short time. He turned and looked directly at me.

"Have you, by chance, noticed any strangers around here in the last few days?"

I tried to keep my eyes on his, steady, unblinking. “Well, yes, as a matter of fact, Just last week, a strange looking fellow, though I was too far away to get a good look. He just looked strange and out of place. We don't get many strangers around Willow Bridge.” I wished I had my drink in hand, anything to divert my eyes from his stare.



That's about it. I have to let it simmer for awhile. Thanks for reading. Please feel free to make comments, even if you hated it. All comments are welcome. Thank you.







Published by
gunner
Where is the [SHIFT] key?
Newbie
Join Date: Feb 2007
Posts: 13
Rep Power: 0





Writing Tools


Member rating
There are no ratings to display


Did you critique?





Last edited by gunner; 03-17-2007 at 12:02 PM..
Reply With Quote
  #2  
Old 03-17-2007, 03:05 AM
OnceUponATime's Avatar
OnceUponATime (Offline)
Heartbreaking Writer of Staggering Genius
Official Member
 
Join Date: Sep 2006
Location: State of Insanity - I must be in order to start my own paper...
Posts: 1,298
Thanks: 5
Thanks 12
Default

I thought your story was well-written, intriguing and the pacing/flow were perfect. No nits from me. Characters and setting were done very well, I thought. Good plotting and suspense buildup. As a reader I'd definitely read on. Is there more to it?
Particularly loved this line:
It was also, I was to learn later, a good night for murder.


Excellent work,
write on -

Jillian
__________________
Support your local newspaper -- and your local writers.

To view links or images in signatures your post count must be 10 or greater. You currently have 0 posts.

-Jillian

Last edited by OnceUponATime; 03-17-2007 at 03:08 AM..
Reply With Quote
  #3  
Old 03-17-2007, 06:08 AM
gunner's Avatar
gunner (Offline)
Abnormally Articulate
Official Member
 
Join Date: Feb 2007
Posts: 143
Thanks: 3
Thanks 2
Default

Jillian, thank you for your very nice comments. As you can imagine, they have made my day. I am still working on the story, but at times I wonder if it is too "Old World", compared to what is being written today. But I am old world, so what can one expect.

Thanks again for the kind words.

wishing you the best

gunner
Reply With Quote
  #4  
Old 03-17-2007, 08:44 PM
Danny's Avatar
Danny (Offline)
The Next Bard
Official Member
 
Join Date: Mar 2007
Posts: 481
Thanks: 55
Thanks 52
Default

That was a wonderful read, it definitely kept my attention.

A good evening to be under a velvet veil , next to the warmth of the hearth.

It was also, I was to learn later, a good night for murder.



His thoughts make the reader assume that he isn't the killer, but the text raises suspicions further in the story - the foundation of a great mystery. :thumbsup:
Reply With Quote
  #5  
Old 03-18-2007, 06:49 AM
gunner's Avatar
gunner (Offline)
Abnormally Articulate
Official Member
 
Join Date: Feb 2007
Posts: 143
Thanks: 3
Thanks 2
Default

Thanks, Danny, for stopping by and taking the time to review "Murder at Willow Bridge." You comments are much appreciated.

Wishing you the best,


gunner
Reply With Quote
  #6  
Old 03-20-2007, 12:23 PM
kellykat60409's Avatar
kellykat60409 (Offline)
Word Wizard
Official Member
 
Join Date: Dec 2005
Location: south suburbs of Chicago
Posts: 523
Thanks: 0
Thanks 0
Send a message via AIM to kellykat60409 Send a message via MSN to kellykat60409 Send a message via Yahoo to kellykat60409
Default

I think you have a good start to a great story. I am just learning how to write mystery's and I am running into a bunch of walls, but the way you wrote this part was perfect in every way.
__________________
the unexamined life is not worth living -Socrates
Reply With Quote
  #7  
Old 03-20-2007, 12:49 PM
gunner's Avatar
gunner (Offline)
Abnormally Articulate
Official Member
 
Join Date: Feb 2007
Posts: 143
Thanks: 3
Thanks 2
Default

Thanks very much for your nice comments, KellyKat60409. I know all about walls, I am up against one now with this story. Just have to keep at it, take time off and go to something else for awhile.

Wishing you the best with your writing.

gunner
Reply With Quote
Reply

  WritersBeat.com > Write Here > Fiction


Thread Tools

Posting Rules
You may not post new threads
You may not post replies
You may not post attachments
You may not edit your posts

BB code is On
Smilies are On
[IMG] code is On
HTML code is Off


Similar Threads
Thread Thread Starter Forum Replies Last Post
Murder at Willow Bridge gunner Free Writing 4 03-31-2007 06:17 AM
The Legend of Cry Baby Bridge OnceUponATime Non-Fiction 0 02-03-2007 07:56 PM
Aftermath Of A Murder starrwriter The Library 0 12-03-2006 01:33 PM
Bridge Jay Writing Markets 0 06-17-2006 07:41 AM
Willow Springs Jay Writing Markets 0 06-02-2006 08:19 PM


All times are GMT -8. The time now is 03:24 AM.

vBulletin, Copyright © 2000-2006, Jelsoft Enterprises Ltd.