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Is texting cheating?

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Old 08-20-2012, 07:54 PM
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Default Is texting cheating?


My husband feels "very uncomfortable" with the fact that I text men. Let me clarify a few things:

1. These men are ALL friends!
2. I have never and would never cheat!
3. I lost my virginity to my husband and vice versa, I have given everything to him and him alone.
4. I'm in a situation where, even if I was to cheat, no one can come to my house or leave my house without my husband's family seeing and reporting it back to him.
5. I don't have any girlfriends because every girl in my area is a back biting, treacherous, skeeving bitch.

So with all of this in mind, is it wrong for him to demand I stop talking to my guy friends?

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Old 08-21-2012, 12:18 AM
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Originally Posted by Kylark1129 View Post
Is texting cheating?
No, obviously.
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Old 08-21-2012, 12:27 AM
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Texting is not cheating it is what you say in the texting that is.
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Old 08-21-2012, 12:50 AM
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So with all of this in mind, is it wrong for him to demand I stop talking to my guy friends?
Yes. I think. I have a ton of guy friends (and girl friends), and honestly, I'm sick to death of people thinking those of the opposite sex can't simply be friends without it "going too far." That's stupid. Might your husband feel insecure, then? That's usually what it comes down to. (Mind you, I don't know your hubby; I'm just simply tossing out a question.)
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Old 08-21-2012, 12:57 AM
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It depends who you are texting and what. I have no objection to my husband texting women but I would object if they were overly flirtatious/sexual in nature.

I don't know the contents of your texts or the nature of the men you are texting so it could be cheating or it might not be.
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Old 08-21-2012, 05:53 AM
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Originally Posted by Kylark1129 View Post
My husband feels "very uncomfortable" with the fact that I text men.
So with all of this in mind, is it wrong for him to demand I stop talking to my guy friends?

How do you feel about him texting his girl friends?

Best regards
D
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Old 08-21-2012, 01:40 PM
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To answer all questions:

I don't mind him talking to other women. For the longest time he had a girl saved in his phone as "greensburg police department". He came in smelling like some God awful perfume, he came in Monday with scratches down his back that he claimed I made Friday...the funny thing is, I bite my nails quite horribly, there is no way I could have made those marks, much less scratched hard enough for them to stay for three days.
I have always been a very open person, when he looks at another girl and comments on some amazingly awesome attribute, I give my opinion as well, "she such beautiful eyes, but she is way too skinny." for example, just giving an opinion.
He gets flared up angry if I even think of looking at another guy. We use to be close, talked about everything, never had problems like this.
But lately, he is acting more and more guilty. I have never and would NEVER cheat!!! It's a disgusting, repulsive act and I have the physical, mental and intellectual damage it can do to a person! I would never do that to him. He doesnt seem to see this though. All he cares about is that I am talking to another "swinging dick" as he refers to it.
I can NOT do this anymore!! It's driving me nuts!!
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Old 08-21-2012, 01:44 PM
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And what I text to the men is the same things I say on here. I bullshit and joke, NO, no flirting, unlike my husband that had nude pictures of my older sister on his phone in a locked folder inside of a locked folder.
Granted one of the men I text is an exboyfriend, from back when I was 14!!!!!!!
We don't talk about sexual things, we don't flirt, no sexting; just friends talk about their day.
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Old 08-21-2012, 02:24 PM
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I think the real question here isn't 'Am I cheating on my husband?' but 'Is he cheating on me?'
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Old 08-21-2012, 03:12 PM
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I think the real question here isn't 'Am I cheating on my husband?' but 'Is he cheating on me?'
RE: Post #7: Hmm. . . . SeeTheMonkey might have a point there with his comment.
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Old 08-21-2012, 03:19 PM
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I think there is a point when it goes too far. For example, I found out my husband had exchanged more than 400 texts with a single woman in two weeks. That's more than my daughter sends in a month to all her friends combined. And she texts people sitting across the table from her.
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Old 08-21-2012, 04:16 PM
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And she texts people sitting across the table from her.
Ha! I've done that with my own husband, as a joke.
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Old 08-21-2012, 07:41 PM
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I'm actually feel a little funny saying this, but one thing I've found to be true in my own life, like 100% is that when women start getting on my about fancied cheating, it means they are getting some on the side themselves.
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Old 08-22-2012, 01:14 AM
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Originally Posted by Kylark1129 View Post
And what I text to the men is the same things I say on here. I bullshit and joke, NO, no flirting, unlike my husband that had nude pictures of my older sister on his phone in a locked folder inside of a locked folder.
Granted one of the men I text is an exboyfriend, from back when I was 14!!!!!!!
We don't talk about sexual things, we don't flirt, no sexting; just friends talk about their day.
What??
Why would your husband do that?
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Old 08-22-2012, 01:15 AM
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Originally Posted by nluoma View Post
I think there is a point when it goes too far. For example, I found out my husband had exchanged more than 400 texts with a single woman in two weeks. That's more than my daughter sends in a month to all her friends combined. And she texts people sitting across the table from her.
Hi nluoma what did you about it?
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Old 08-22-2012, 02:21 AM
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Asked him about it. He claims they're just friends.
However, he then asked me for a divorce, so...
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Old 08-22-2012, 03:28 AM
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When I'm in a relationship, I like to text slash flirt with multiple other men so they raise my self-esteem. I'm a jack@ss.
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Old 08-22-2012, 06:13 PM
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Sounds like there's more problems here than your husband protesting your texting other men.
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Old 08-22-2012, 06:53 PM
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Yeah. Sounds like you need some serious therapy.
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Old 08-22-2012, 10:59 PM
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Originally Posted by Kylark1129 View Post
4. I'm in a situation where, even if I was to cheat, no one can come to my house or leave my house without my husband's family seeing and reporting it back to him.
The way you put this makes it seem like you have thought about cheating on him more than once and if you weren't in a situation of getting caught so easily you would do it....just saying. Interesting post though.
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Old 08-22-2012, 11:41 PM
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That last post was total bullshit. Don't pay any attention to it.
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Old 08-23-2012, 07:24 AM
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I'm just wondering how old these people are. There seems a distinct lack of maturity in the tone of the op and in her husband's behaviour...

Maybe they both just need a bit more life experience behind them.
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Old 08-23-2012, 05:52 PM
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1. I'm 24, we have married seven years. I admit this seems a bit high schoolish, but when there are two kids involved, it is no longer immature.

2. He saved the nude pictures of my sister from my phone when she sent them to me as a joke to show the kinky picture she sent her boyfriend (my sisters and I have always been very open about joking like that)

3. I would never cheat on him, I was just stating a fact that there is no way I could, even though he accuses me of it. His family make sure no one comes up to my house without them knowing who it is.

4. What hurts, probably the most, is the fact that he feels the right to demand I not talk to these people (because it makes him uncomfortable) when I have BEGGED for two years that he tell his family to stay out of our lives! I have literally floored my mother with verbal abuse to keep her from nosing (she is as bad about as my husband's father is) but he refuses to even try talking to them about it. They drive up here when my sister comes, they call once and if my husband doesn't answer they drive up here, they make sure my husband is under the wrong impression that I am sneaking around....I am uncomfortable with this, but he won't change a thing.

5. He has more piling up against him in the cheating department than I ever could.

6. The last time I went out, without him or the kids, was back in December. My sister invited us out to celebrate her birthday.

7. As I said, I lost my virginity to these man, I am a strong believer of saving yourself for the person you will spend forever with, as did he....even though for the first year of marriage he blatantly lied about having a kid with another girl, sleeping with all these women, all the crazy sex things he did. That is until a made a joke out of myself by mentioning it to the specific ex-girlfriend. Picture the scene:

Me: "is your husband okay with raising a child by another man?"
Ex: "what are you talking about?"
Me: "you know, the fact that the baby is Andy's?"
Ex: (dumb stare for about five seconds) "meg, I never slept with Andy. And the baby is certainly not his."

I felt so damn stupid. That night he confessed everything to me. He was a virgin, and never done anything with a girl.
We went into this marriage under false pretenses anyway.
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Old 08-24-2012, 10:27 AM
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EDIT: Oops, I guess I should read the whole thread before I post, rather than just the O.P.
I'm out of my depth now. I'll leave this here incase it's still relevant, which it probably isn't.


I've been approached by my roommate's drunk boyfriend before now because we text each other so much. He asked me if I was sleeping with her (and I wasn't and wouldn't) and to see a couple of the texts. I showed him the pages and pages of inane chatter and he lightened up.
A lot of guys can be over protective, just make sure he knows they're nothing more than good friends. There's no reason you shouldn't talk to your mates as often as you want to.
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Old 08-24-2012, 02:21 PM
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Originally Posted by Kylark1129 View Post
My husband feels "very uncomfortable" with the fact that I text men. Let me clarify a few things:

1. These men are ALL friends!
2. I have never and would never cheat!
3. I lost my virginity to my husband and vice versa, I have given everything to him and him alone.
4. I'm in a situation where, even if I was to cheat, no one can come to my house or leave my house without my husband's family seeing and reporting it back to him.
5. I don't have any girlfriends because every girl in my area is a back biting, treacherous, skeeving bitch.

So with all of this in mind, is it wrong for him to demand I stop talking to my guy friends?

No, there should be no problem with having opposite sex friends.
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Old 08-24-2012, 04:50 PM
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Originally Posted by Front&Centre View Post
EDIT: Oops, I guess I should read the whole thread before I post, rather than just the O.P.
I'm out of my depth now. I'll leave this here incase it's still relevant, which it probably isn't.


I've been approached by my roommate's drunk boyfriend before now because we text each other so much. He asked me if I was sleeping with her (and I wasn't and wouldn't) and to see a couple of the texts. I showed him the pages and pages of inane chatter and he lightened up.
A lot of guys can be over protective, just make sure he knows they're nothing more than good friends. There's no reason you shouldn't talk to your mates as often as you want to.
You're right on the money, except that he won't lighten up. I stopped talking to one of the guys (I think the one he actual had a problem with) but now, every time I pick up my phone he starts nosing "what are you doing? Who are you texting? You're texting him aren't you?" I'm about to blow the *F-bomb* up on him!!!
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Old 08-24-2012, 06:36 PM
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Suspicous minds... Elvis Presley.

Again, I think that super-suspicious behavior indicates that he is screwing around.
Maybe you should go there. Take it to him.
He doesn't seem to have any problem challenging your integrity.
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Old 08-24-2012, 07:33 PM
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Wow. What childish bullshit. And the guy especially sounds like a real douchebag. Not that my marriage is all peaches and cream all the time -- but this makes me feel grateful that when we’re dealing with real issues, I can be reasonably sure my wife and I will eventually get around to sitting down and working through things like adults. So far so good, at least. Anyway, here's my advice to the OP and her husband -- grow up.

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Old 08-24-2012, 08:08 PM
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Is texting in general cheating? Nah. It depends on what exactly you're texting. But as it seems that you're not doing any suspicious texting then I agree that instead of asking is texting cheating you should just ask your husband if he's cheating. I think his super suspicious behavior and questioning is just a reflection of what he's doing.
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Old 08-24-2012, 10:29 PM
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You know....everyone keeps telling me to grow up, the suspicion of your spouse cheating isn't exactly immatuirity. 40 year olds cheat and suspect each other as well. It's a human instinct to fear betrayal.
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