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Risan:Soul Toucher

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Old 05-09-2014, 12:25 PM
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Risan: Soul Toucher

Contents:
A. Hope In Sight
B. Note: Danger Lies Ahead
C. 145 Someone Else
D. Confrontation Time
E. SI Evil Worshipers
F. Broken In
G. Past Now Sound
H. Two 4 Wilno
I. The Earth Is Present
J. Hidden Anger
K. The Unforeseen Gift
L. Aden Unknown
M. The Shape I'm In
N. It Might Be
O. Sunrise Element
P. Change In Sight
Q. Me to A "T"
R. Heat As Deciept
S. Lying in Wait
T. Six Hundred Sixty Sixth
U. Mind the Difference
V. Hate for Hero
W. Fate Testing
X. Final Verdict
Y. Destiny Destroyed
Z. Risan Anew


A. Hope in Sight
"Hope has its limitations. Those limitations should always lie just out of sight of the direction your traveling."

"What the Hell?" A young teenager of about eighteen yells. The teens hair is golden blonde, and he has deep gray eyes. He has on a black school uniform, which consists of black pants complete with yellow belt and a black button up long sleeved shirt.
"Actually, it's the opposite." says a voice seemingly coming from all directions.
The teenager looks around in curiosity. Above him is the starry, clear night sky and to his horror, below him is the ground, only miles away. He seems to be sitting on something small, white and poofy, floating in the sky.
"Where am I?" he asks the voice. He knows exactly where he is, it is more of a question as to how he got here.
In bed asleep." That wasn't the answer he expected.
"So... if I'm asleep, then this must be a dream then, right? It feels so real." he responded hesitantly. "Your not supposed to be able to feel dreams, are you?"
"A dream is something your mind makes up, this is real. This, is a vision. " He noticed the voice must belong to a male. It was deep, but it also had a light friendly tone to it.
"Wait... I thought you said I was asleep"
"You are asleep, But what in heavens makes you think it can't be real as well. I can assure you, your sound asleep in bed at home. Another part of you just happens to be awake in my home as well." A flash of light in the shape of a human flickers to the young mans right. The lights' flashing and brightness blinds the him for a few moments and then it fades away to reveal the voice in form. He had bright blue eyes and long white hair. He was probably around twenty years old and wore a plain white shirt with blue pants. "My name is Light. I'm am a first ranking angel. I am the angel of war on shadow and vision. Your in Henava(Hei-vin) the house of angels. Your soul was summoned here by me. Your Risan Ingel."
"Yes." Risan answers back even though it wasn't a question. "But what do the angels want with me? Am I in some sort of trouble or something?"
"Well, you are... but not on our side. Listen closely Risan, pay attention to everything I say. It very well could save your existence." Light says.
In an instant, the white poofy cloud Risan happens to be sitting on disappears. He barely has enough time to look down, before that's the direction he's headed, and fast. He panics and screams as he falls flailing his arms and legs in every direction. He speeds toward the ground, the only thought in his head being that he wasn't going to survive to see the morning. Then something strange happens. Risan crashes into the ground going extremely fast, but a couple minutes after impact he stands up unscathed and unharmed. Not a scratch on him.
"Damn it! What just happened!" Risan checks himself for damage. "Phew. Thought I'd have died..."
"Oh... so sorry! I made the cloud disappear under you and completely forgot." Light floats down after him a couple minutes later. "I forgot your soul is so young you've yet to learn to fly. No worry, no damage done. It takes quite a bit more than that to harm a soul. No need to check your soul for broken bones. You have none..."
Risan looks at Light in disbelief and thinks about mouthing off, but he assumes this probably isn't a wise idea. Light seems to be really nice, but there is an aura of power about him that you couldn't help pick up on.
They both stay silent for several minutes. Risan takes this time to take in the surroundings. Tall gray buildings stand on either side of a paved roadway. He is standing on a sidewalk on the right hand side of the road. Cars are absent from the road as are people from the sidewalk. It is still dark out.
"Do you know where we are?" Light asks after the long awkward pause.
"Yeah. This is Junction City, my hometown. Looks like North A Ward. My house is just a few blocks away." Risan squints to see the sign on the corner of the road by the intersection. He has trouble making it out though. Not due to the fact that its night: There are so many lights in the city, particularly on the sides of the buildings that it looks practically like high noon. It's actually due to the fact that he has terrible eye sight. The sign reads 'Fifth Avenue'. "Why are we here?"
"Well, we're here for a couple reasons." Light says mischievously.
"Those reasons being?" Risan asks.
"...See that house down there. That big green one with the white shudders. Its nice isn't it. I wonder who lives there. Should we find out?" Light changes the subject.
"I already know who lives there..." Risan says as his face goes a little red. He looks at Light with suspicion, then turns away quickly toward the house. "It's a girl in my grade. Her names Kara Revinton."
"Do you know her well?"
"Not really. We have a couple classes together and I sit behind her in Math class, but we rarely talk."
"I have a feeling that after the events that take place tomorrow, that'll change. You'll get to know her pretty well." Light says.
"I doubt that. We graduate tomorrow from high school. I may never see her again." Risan looks down at his feet then quickly back toward Light. "Whats going to happen tomorrow?"
"You like her don't you." Light avoids Risans questioning.
"No.... I mean... yeah, a little." Risan says. "It sucks though, because I've never had the courage to ask her out."
Offer to walk her home from school tomorrow." Light demands.
"Why?" Risan asks.
"Don't question why just do it." Lights tone becomes serious, but still friendly.
Risan doesn't respond, he just stares at the angel. Light doesn't expect an answer anyway.
"Do you have any idea why I summoned you here tonight?" Light asks. Risan shakes his head no. "Well, theres good news, and bad news to tell you. I'll start with the good news."
“Okay...”
"The good new," Light states "is that an extremely powerful devil (a devil is a denom without a body) by the name of Cinred will confront you in four days and attempt to take your soul prisoner. If he succeeds, you'll know pain worse than imagining. "
"What!" Risan blurts out. "I thought you said good news!"
"It is good news, but only because of angel intervention. The bad news," Light continues "is that tomorrow, an immensely more powerful denom (a devil with a body) by the name of Vetogro will attack you right here on Fifth Avenue, It will take your body prisoner and make you do all kinds of horrific things. Unfortunately, there's nothing the angels can do about this right away."
"Right away?" Risan questions.
"We will, in the end step in and take over to make things right. I won't go in to detail, but it's safe to say things will be taken care of. Remember from your demonology studies in school, if an angel steps down from Henava(Hei-a-vin) and takes a place on earth, it is no longer an angel, it becomes a denom. And it's place in Henava(Hei-a-vin) is forfeit forever. Therefore, we cannot apprehend the denom or interfere in any way that requires us to leave our domain. Notice, I've yet to touch the ground or come anywhere near it for that matter. I'm still pretty high up here above you in the sky. The only reason you can hear me is because I'm talking inside your head... However, there are things we can do... some measures we can take."
"Like what?" Risan asks.
"You'll find out." Light says. "Don't you want to know why these devil and denom are targeting you?"
"I don't know, for my good looks?"
"It's because you just so happen to have the strongest human soul in the world. The strongest living human soul to ever exist, in fact. The average human Soul Kinsi (Soul Kinsi- measurement of the strength of the soul. The larger the number the stronger the soul.) reading is 415 K. Your soul has a Kinsi reading of 937."

"But... how did my soul become so strong." Risan looks down at his hands. "How do I make it stronger?"
"I'll tell you, but you can never tell anyone. You must take the secret to your grave, and then if you can, take it further."
"I promise I won't tell anyone." Risan agrees.
"The human soul, while it's still in human form has only one way of getting stronger. And that, is through Actions."
"Actions? Risan asks. "What do you mean?"
"The more good deeds you do for others, other souls I mean, the stronger your soul becomes. Souls share energy, you see. Imagine your soul as a glass cup. The larger the cup, the stronger the soul. And the water in the cup is the energy. Every time you do a good deed for someone you pour some of their water into your cup. The cup expands with the water but it doesn't shrink with it. Water naturally replenishes itself overtime for those who gave the water and their cup doesn't get any smaller just because it lost some water, but your cup gets bigger."
"Well, why is my soul so strong?" Risan questions.
"Think about the way you've lived your life for the past dozen years." Light says. "Think about all the good you've done to help those in need. Every chance you got to help someone, you did. Even when people didn't ask you to do favors for them, you went out of your way to do helpful things. Remember two years ago when your dad got to the point where he couldn't walk because of his cancer. You took that summer job to make money for your family when your mom couldn't work because she had to take care of him. Or doing small things, like getting your blind sister Felicity drinks and laying out her clothes for her. These are just a few examples of hundreds. I understand your well aware of your good deeds. You, after all, are responsible for doing them."
"Okay... so let me get this straight." Risan says. "Right now, my body is asleep in bed at home, and my soul is here on the streets with an angel from Henava. I have the strongest soul in the human world. A demon will confront me tomorrow and take my body prisoner. A devil will confront me in four days and take my soul prisoner."
"Try to take, yes." Light corrects. "By the way, excellent summary."
"How do you know all of this?"
"I'm an angel, not only is it my job to know all this, knowing all of this is my life." Light states.
"You're not really alive though, are you?" Risan asks
"Not in the way you are, no I suppose." Light says. "And if you want to stay alive the way you are, and not be in pain, I suggest you take this." Light throws down to Risan what looks to be a strip of clear paper. He catches it. Oddly, it has a faint blue glow to it; the same kind of blue glow radiating from Light.
"What's this?" Risan asks.
"It's a piece of the angel Sounds' soul. Hold on to it. It'll be your lifeline later on in the week. You'll use it to defeat Cinred. I can't tell you how exactly, you'll have to figure that out for yourself... I hate to tell you, you'll never figure it out... Risan, I'm sorry I have to dish this out to you all at once. I sure hope you can digest all of this. It's important you stay focused and don't do anything rash when the denom and devil confront you. The only harm they'll do to you is the harm they make you do to others."
"But what am I supposed to do about the Denom that attacks me tomorrow? How do I beat it?"
"Unfortunately, in your current state, there's nothing you can do about it. Nor is there anything I can do about it either. It's more of a waiting game, anyway, with this denom. Like I said before, the angels will step in and alter things to turn the tide in your favor at first, but fortunately for us, we won't have to for long. You yourself will have to get strong enough to defeat this denom. And you'll do so as my Spirit Guardian."
"Spirit Guardian?" Risan questions. "Whats that?"
"A Spirit Guardian is tasked with the job of protecting the land of the living in times of blight, in your case, Junction City. You'll protect people from denom. Fight and kill denom when you have to. Kill some people along the way too, I imagine."
"Protect them with what? Certainly I'm not battling a bunch of super powered denom with my fists." Risan looks down at his hands. Of course, he did have one hell of a powerful punching arm. He assumed himself to be the strongest person in all of Junction, even though he is only half the size of some of them. No one messes with him. Thats probably because they have no reason to. Risan is nice to everyone (who deserves it at least) and doesn't pick fights. He also happens to work out all of the time, playing for his schools football team as a Cornerback.
"Certainly not!" Light says. "How would you like to have superpowers."

B. Note- Danger lies ahead.
“In the beginning we seek only the end, and in the end we seek only the answer.”

“Risan... Risan! Wake up.” whispers a soft female voice through a crack in the door leading into the room of a sleeping young man.
“Huh...” the young man mumbles, coming out of the deepest sleep he's ever experienced in his life. It takes him a few seconds to collect his bearings.
“It's 5:30. You don't want to be late for your last day of school, do you?” the female voice asks.
“No, mom. I'll be down in a minute.” Risan yawns, and sits up in his bed. He was trying to remember that strange dream he had last night. Something about an angel telling him he'd have power beyond imagining in a few short weeks if he could survive some sort of test, and there was mention of a denom stealing his body. It all seems rather fuzzy now that he is awake, but it had to be the realest dream he's ever had.
Risan pulls the covers off of him and climbs out of bed. No need to worry about changing into his day clothes, he always wore them to bed so he didn't have to get dressed in the mornings. His black school uniform was a little wrinkly, but he didn't care. At least it was clean.
He walks out of his bedroom and downstairs into the kitchen, where his mom is standing over the stove making eggs, and two people sit at the table, waiting. A bald older man reading a week old newspaper and a little brown haired girl in a pink dress.
“Sora, did you get much business at the flower shop yesterday?” the bald older man asks Risan's mom.
“No, Baskan. We haven't got much business at all since that break-in last December. That, and the fact that people are afraid to leave their houses these days doesn't bode well for us. There's been talk in upper management of closing us down.” Sora says.
“Mom, they can't close you down. Think of all the good you guys do. Where else are people going to buy flowers for their dead relatives who were killed by denom?” Risan asks taking a seat at the table. “Half of the gravestones in the Situfite Graveyard have your flowers on them!”
“That's what I was thinking.” Baskan, Risan's father, chimes in.
“Well, I guess the store owner feels that losing a little money is more important than honoring the dead.” says Sora.
“I could get a job again. I graduate today anyway.” Risan adds, putting his hands in his pockets. “They're hiring down at Tepe's Powerplant in the West W ward.”
“Do you really expect me to let you walk all the way down to the West Ward everyday? If your getting a job, it'll be a little closer to home.” Baskan argues, folding up his newspaper and setting it aside. “They may have an opening at that seafood restaurant you and I used to go to when you were younger. I know several people who work there. They could recommend you.”
“Dad, I don't know the first thing about cooking seafood.” Risan says, feeling around in his pocket. Strange, he felt something brush up against his hand.
“You could be a waiter.” the little girl, Felicity, squeaks.
“The chances of them hiring me, or even having a position open isn't very likely.”
“Well, I can tell you one thing, your not walking past denom den (denom den is Risan's families nickname for South D Ward. A Ward completely overrun and controlled by denom) to get to work all the time.” Sora says, turning the stove burner off and setting a big plate of eggs on the table. “You're not working at Tepe's.”
“Why can't I just get my Liscen-” Risan stops mid-sentence, staring at something he had just pulled out of his pocket.
“What's that?” Felicity asks also staring at the faint, glowing blue slip in his right hand. That's weird, how could she see it? She's blind... Risan stares at her for a few seconds in shock before recovering.
“I've got to use the bathroom.” he blurts out, shoving the slip quickly back into his pocket . He speed walks out of the kitchen and down a hallway to the bathroom, where he locks the door behind him. He sits on the edge of the tub and pulls the blue piece back out of his pocket.
“That's weird.” he thinks to himself, in shock. “I thought that was a dream.”
“I told you not a dream, a vision.” Light says. Risan just about jumps out of his skin.
“Where are you? I can't see you.” he asks looking around. He was a little spooked.
“Up in the sky.” Light tells him. Risan makes for the bathroom door, but Light cuts in. “No need to go outside, you won't be able to see me unless your seeing through your souls eyes. Right now your seeing through your body.”
“How come I can hear you?”
“I'm speaking to you inside your head.” Light answers. “I'll be doing this often so you might as well get used to it.”
“Your Light, right? I can barely remember the vision.” Risan whispers, troubled.
“No worry, I didn't expect you to remember all of it. It's actually not that uncommon for people to have visions of angels, believe it or not. In fact, hardly anyone goes there entire life without having at least one vision. The problem is, they never remember them when they wake up.”
“I can still remember parts of it.” Risan scrunches his eyes together, trying to remember.
“You still remember all of the important parts. I just read your mind.” Light says. “I didn't expect you to remember all of it. I'd have to cut off your arms.”
“What!” Risan yells taken aback.
“Nothing. I'll explain that to you when your ready. Lets take this small steps at a time. Go eat breakfast and get ready for school. You don't want to miss the bus. It comes in twenty minutes.” Light responds.
Risan walks out of the bathroom and takes his place at the table. His mom has just finished the bacon and sets it on the table when Baskan, the bald older man asks Risan a question.
“What was that all about?”
“Nothing.” Risan responds. “Just had to use the bathroom really bad. That's the first time I've went in three days. Thought I was going to explode.”
“Yuck.” Felicity says, pretending to throw up.
“That'll be enough of that at the breakfast table.” Sora says frowning with distaste.
Risan just sits there, staring at the food while everyone else digs in, their forks and knives clanging against their plates as they cut up their eggs and eat them.
“What's the matter honey? Did you want something else?” his mom asks. “I can pour you a bowl of cereal or something.”
“No thanks mom, I'm not hungry.” Risan says scratching his nose. His stomach growls.
“Eat something!” Light demands.
“On second thought, I might take an egg or two.” says Risan, shoving piles of egg into his mouth. He felt like he hadn't eaten in days. Even hungrier, in fact.
“When you became your soul to join me in Henava, it took quite a bit of energy out of you. If you were any other human being, you wouldn't be able to stand up on your own.” Light is pretty impressed with him.
Risan finishes eating, grabs his school bag and then makes his way outside to wait for the bus. When the big yellow vehicle stops in front of the house, he gets on and thumps his stuff down in aisle two seat twenty-six, the very back. The bus pulls away from the house.
“Oh, look who's sitting across from you in seat twenty-five.” Light teases.
Risan glances over slowly toward the other aisle, and sees Kara Revinton peering out of the window. She looked beautiful: her long, straight brown hair flowing down over her light blue school dress. She catches sight of him staring at her out of the corner of her eye. Risan quickly turns back toward the window.
“Act cool.” Risan says quietly.
“What are you talking about. She can't even see or hear me.” Light protests.
"I wasn't talking to you, I was talking to myself."
"You know, if you wanted to act cool, you probably shouldn't be whispering to yourself like that." Light says. "People will think your crazy."
"Hey Ingel." Kara says. He turns toward her.
"Who, me?" Risan asks.
"Yeah you. Who else rides this bus, is sitting in sight, and has the last name Ingel."
"Right" he laughs. "Of course, you could've been talking to yourself. But that wouldn't make sense, because why would you call yourself Ingel." Terrible joke.
"Yeah, and why would I greet myself." Kara asks.
"Good point." Risan says. He turns back toward the window.
"Smooth." Light says.
"Shut up." Risan whispers to himself.
"I thought I told you not to whisper to yourself like that, she's still looking at you."
"Quit talking to me then." Risan mouths, irritated.
"When you talk to me, you can do so in your head. I can read your thoughts the same way I can put my thoughts into your head."
"Are you excited for the last day of school?" Kara asks. "The graduation assembly is tonight at five o'clock." He turns back toward her.
"Oh, yeah. Definitely. Can't wait to get this day over with."
"Yeah." kara agrees, pushing her hair away from her face. Risan feels chills go up his spine.
The bus makes several more stops, then finally it pulls in front of the school. Risan grabs his bag and gets up to head into the school. He gets all the way to the school entrance doors before Kara yells after him.
“Hey, Ingel.”
He stops and she catches up with him. “I was wondering if you wanted to sit beside me in Demonology class today? I wanted to talk to you about something.”
“Oh, yeah. I forgot we had that class together.” Risan lies. “Sure, why not.”
"Oh, and here." kara says. She hands him a folded white note before walking through the school doors and leaving Risan by himself.
Risan waits a few seconds for her to disappear. "Yes!" he celebrates. "Finally the girl of my dreams acknowledges that I exist." He slips the note into his pocket, intending to read it later.
"Looks like you'll finally get your chance to talk to her." Light says. "Try not to blow it. "
After Math, English, Gym, Art, and History, which seemed to drag on forever today, Risan walks down to the cafeteria to grab something to eat. He was looking forward to Demonology like crazy. It was his last class of the day but he was finally going to sit beside the hottest girl in school. And the best part is she actually wanted to talk to him about something.
"You know." Light says to Risan at lunchtime. "If things go well on the walk home from school, maybe you should ask her to go out on a date with you."
"What! Are you crazy." Risan thinks to himself as he eats a huge pile of mashed potatoes and chicken wings. "She'd turn me down. We've hardly had a conversation yet and you want me to ask her out.”
"I read her mind." Light says simply. "She like you."
Risan chokes on a chicken bone. He has trouble gagging it up. "I though... ugh... you said... that a denom was going to take my body prisoner or something. Won't I be too busy fearing for my life to ask her out.... She likes me?"
"Well, I figured that once the denom sees you two love birds making out, it'll die spontaneously combusting or something. Love is supposed to be pretty powerful, you know."
"Ha ha, very funny Light." Risan says sarcastically. "You angels sure like to joke don't you."
"Actually, we don't. We take our jobs very seriously. I just know you really well and know you won't take offense to it. Plus, there's nothing else to do."
"Know me really well?" Risan questions. "You've only been talking to me for a few hours."
"I've known you your entire life." Light says. "Believe me when I say, I know more about you than anyone else, even yourself."
"How so?" Risan asks doubtfully.
"I know your favorite color is Blue, you like Rock music, your favorite number is five, you were born in April, you've broken your leg twice, you are a cornerback for the school football team. I know the name of your great great great grandpa, how much money you'll have in your pocket exactly ten years from now, the day of the last sunrise you'll ever see as a human." Light says. "I know that sometimes you daydream about kara for hours at a time, you slept with a purple stuffed teddy bear until you were in sixth grade, you can't swim, and I also know that I am the only reason your going to be making it past the end of the week."
"Okay, I get it." Risan thinks walking over to the trash can to throw his empty food tray away. The bell rings signaling the end of lunch. After lunch, Risan has Music, Science, Tech Ed, and finally Demonology. In music the class listened to a rock song called "Letters In the Light":
In the dark I try to Hide, trying to remain in the Light
I'm getting Letters from the other side, do I ignore these words they write
I Lost it all I must confide, I never had much anyways
Just one on a lonely ride, losing all to these sinning slaves.
In the dark I try in Vein, try to save those from my fate
but as I slowly go insane, I'll never do it at this rate
I'm not looking for a hero's gain, just one last thing from you
I get a lot of built up pain, I need you to remember who.
Now I turn to His good grace
looking for Him to save
What's left of this broken soul
worn out from His enemies chase
Fighting them I was so brave
But also I was such a fool
so now I turn to His good grace
looking for Him to make me Whole.
In Science class Risan sits by his best friend Wen Ardy, a red haired, tall, eighteen year old with glasses. He has on the same black school uniform as Risan.
"So, she really asked you to sit by her?" Wen asks for the hundredth time.
"Yes." Risan puts on a pair of clear goggles. "She said she wanted to talk about something."
"Maybe she wants to continue your guys' friendship after you graduate." Wen dumps some red chemicals into a vial and scribbles something down on a piece of paper.
"What relationship? The only conversation I've ever had with her was that one time, at the beginning of the year, when I sat by her at lunch because she was crying about something. And even then, she was too busy crying to pay any attention to me." Risan goes to grab some ingredients out of the cupboard for the lab they are doing. He grabs a bag of yellow powder and a bottle of clear liquid and walks back to Wen's table.
"I know what she wants." Light says. "Why don't you ask me?"
"I never thought of that." he says out loud, slamming the ingredients on the table beside Wen. "You can predict the future. What does she want then?"
Wen turns toward Risan. "Huh? What does who want? And no I can't predict the future. That would be cool though."
"I wasn't talking to you." Risan says. Wen looks around. He was the only other one around.
"You sure your alright?" Wen questions. "You do look a little pale."
"I'm fine."
He silently wonders if it would be safe to tell Wen about the Vision and the fact that an angel is talking inside his head. He takes the red chemical from Wen and mixes some of the clear liquid and powder into it. The mixture becomes green and starts smoking.
"Sure, if you must." Light says. "If you don't, I'll have to at some point anyway. He'll get suspicious about how you got so strong once your able to punch basketball sized holes into concrete walls."
Risan sets the mixture down on the table. "Thanks, it'll be nice having someone to discuss all of this with."
He tells Wen everything that had happened over the last twenty four hours. He even shows him the piece of the angels soul that is in his pocket. At first Wen is skeptical, but once Light makes it so that Wen can hear him too, he finally believes it.
"That's going to be awesome! Except the part about the devil stealing your body and all." Wen says. "You get to be a Spirit Guardian! Don't you remember learning about them in eighth grade. There's only been four spirit guardians in recorded history. They were really powerful and idolized like kings. Just imagine how famous you'll be!"
"He only gets to be Spirit Guardian if he can survive the next week." says Light. "Over ninety-nine percent of people we've ever tested to be Spirit Guardian ended up failing. If that happens to you not only will you cease to live, you'll exist inside a denom.”
"How will the devil get inside my body?" Risan asks. "You have to complete the Five Forsaken Sins to open yourself up to a devil don't you?"
"Yes. Here's what going to happen. Later on today, on your way home from school, the denom named Vetogro(Vey-or-got) will seek you out on fifth avenue. He'll use his powers to control you, being a denom of the flesh. He will control you and make you complete the five forsaken sins. I don't think I need to remind you of what these treacherous acts are. You will have no choice but to do them..." Light forewarns.
"You mean...." Risan stutters.
“That's exactly what I mean.”
"Man..." Wen says. "I feel sorry for you, Risan. I could never live with myself if I had to do that kind of stuff. Lyings not so bad... but... Oweing someone..."
"Wait, so your telling me I'm going to have to rape someone?" Risan asks with a horrified look on his face.
"Yes." Light says. "Why do you think I asked you to offer to walk Kara home tonight." Risan stares at Wen in shock. "Risan, Your going to be forced to rape Kara.

C. 145 Someone Else
“What seperates good from bad is knowledge. What seperates bad from good is unknown.”

No. He wasn't going to do it. There's no way. Risan would rather kill himself right here on the spot rather than touch Kara without her permission. He never pictured Kara in that kind of way, he liked her more than that. He respected her. He had been looking forward to Demonology all day, getting a chance to sit by and talk to her. Now he dreaded it. He sat in Tech Ed with his head face down on his desk, and his arms crossed in front of his face.
"Cheer up." Light says.
"How can I possibly cheer up after the bomb you just dropped on me!" Risan yells in his head.
"I forgot to mention, she already knows your going to be forced to rape her." Light says. "I told her a couple of days ago. Thats what she wants to talk to you about."
"So she's okay with it happening then?" Risan asks.
"Well, she agreed to let it happen. Technically, your not raping her, she'll be raping you. Your the only unwillful party involved."
"But she doesn't want it to happen though, surely."
"No. I said she likes you, but not in that way. Not that much. She's letting it happen because she doesn't want you to have to do it to anyone else. Against their will I might add."
This made Risan feel a little better. He put his head up and pretended to be listening to the teacher giving a speech on how to properly update a Furom Drive. He glances toward the clock. 1:05 p.m.
"What am I going to say to her when I see her?" he asks
"Don't say anything about having sex with her, let her bring it up." Light says. "You better just pray she doesn't change her mind within the next couple of hours."
The rest of Tech Ed class went by too fast for Risans liking. Before he knew it, he was taking the long grueling stairway down to the Demonology classroom. He walks through the doorway and sees Kara sitting alone in the back of the class. Hesitantly, he walks over to her.
"Can I sit down?" he asks.
"No." she says smiling. "My invisible friend needs that seat." Risan laughs. "Sit. I was only kidding. So what about you, do you have any invisible friends?"
"Uh..." he says, thinking of Light. "Well, there is one."
"Your invisible friend can hear you and he doesn't liked to be talked about like he isn't present just because he can't be seen." Light says. "By the way Risan, Kara can hear me."
The bell rings to signal the start of class, and Risan takes a seat adjacent to Kara.
"About tonight..." Kara whispers.
"Lets not talk about it." he says. "Lets just let whatever happens happen. Please remember that whatever does happen, it's not my fault. I'm only doing it because I'm being controlled."
"No, I was only going to say that if you wanted to, you could sit by me at the school graduation assembly too." Kara says sweetly.
"What about the fact that...tonight..." Risan has trouble continuing
"Kara knows, don't you." Light cuts in.
"I do." Kara says. "And let me just say, I'm not happy with it, but I will do what I have to make it easier on you Risan. Light's told me quite a bit about what's going to happen to you over the next couple of weeks, and I feel sorry for you."
"I've told her more than I've told you." Light says.
"Like what" Risan asks.
"She promised she wouldn't say. And I can't tell you either, otherwise how would I be testing you to become my Spirit Guardian. Now listen to the teacher. Your about to take a different kind of test."
"Okay." Risan says, turning his attention to the teacher. He was a short, plump man with a beard.
"Today, you'll be taking an exam to determine how much you've learned so far this year. It's an easy test, only four question each worth twenty five points. Miss two and you fail the exam." the teacher says handing out the papers to each row of students.
Risan grabs his paper and glances at it. A test he didn't study for, but oh well, looking at the questions he already knew all of the answers.
"Begin." the teacher says once all of the tests are handed out.
Risan quickly fills in the blanks
4th quarter End of Year Assessment
-Why must you never allow yourself to be caught in the dark? Explain. What are some countermeasures against this?
You must never allow yourself to be caught in the dark because it is the home of Devil, which are denom without bodies. Devil exist in darkness and oftentimes when someone finds themselves in a dark room because a light blows, or are out of town visiting the countryside at night, they report hearing disturbing violent whispers or the sound of torturous screaming. In rare instances, people are never heard from again, their bodies just simply disappearing. Junction City counters this by having lights everywhere. Law states that each building should have at least two lights on each side and a street lamp placed every five yards to be turned on at exactly six-thirty in the evening and to be turned off at eight o'clock in the morning. Additionally, each person should be carrying a government issued globe light in their pockets or handbags.
-How does one come about acquiring a Denom, what are these acts called, and what is the name of one who has completed these acts?
One acquires a denom by completing the Five Forsaken Sins. These acts are:
1. Torturing
2. Oweing (Killing)
3. Grawsking (stealing)
4. Raping
5. Opexing (Lying)
People who have completed these acts but have yet to possess a denom are known as a keterals.
-What are the six classes of Denom? Explain each.
The six rankings of denom are as follows:
6.Wosul(Wu-sol)-human soul defeated the denom soul, but still retains the denoms' evil and destructive nature.
5.Enowit(Eat-ill-on)-Denom controls the body, but the effort it took to do so drove it mad. They suffer from low intelligence and memory levels.
4.Nomrad(Nom-rad)-Denom with formidable strength. These denom are the most common form of denom and possess between twenty to one-hundred living souls prisoner.
3.Tehips(Ti-spi)-A denom who has absorbed quite a few souls. At this point, the denoms soul begins to heat up, and power is increased dramatically.
2.Vedian(Ve-na-id)-or more commonly known as "The Fade" when speaking of them as a whole, Vedians are immensely powerful beings capable of major destruction.
1.Fanom(Fay-nom)-or "The Dark", not much is know about these amazingly tough denom. Few Exist. The alphabetical letter representing them is K.
-Who are the Nombor SI and what do they do?
The Nombor Si is a currently active illegal denom worship group formed by Ohno Zade back in the early part of the fourteenth century. They are commonly known for their crimes and open worship of denom. To become a member, you must be a Wosul or Keteral and have an IQ of at least sixty six.
He finishes his test, and then turns it in to the teacher, who grades it in front of him.
"Good Job. I see you've been paying attention this year." the teacher says, stamping his paper with a one hundred percent. Risan smiles and then walks back to his desk and sits down. He is the first one done, so he waits for everyone else to finish up before the class has a ten minute break, where they're allowed to talk with each other before the bell rings to dismiss them.
"How'd you do?" Kara asks.
"Easiest test I've ever taken in my life." he says.
"Demonology has always been my favorite subject." says Kara. "Not just because it's interesting, but because knowing the enemy and how they operate could save your life."
"What do you know about how denom operate, Kara?" Light asks. "What have you picked up on from your studies."
"Well, most denom operate alone. Not in packs. They're super smart, super powerful, and super precise yet chaotic at the same time. Most have trouble controlling themselves. Just like humans, they have habits and preferences, and if you pay attention to one long enough, you can figure out what they are. This usually points out their weaknesses."
"Very good." Light says.
"My mom was almost killed by a Denom four years ago." She continues. "She went to buy some bread and it cornered her in one of the back isles at the super market. It was a Vedian of formidable strength. It's body lit up with flame, as it slowly approached her. Everything around it was catching fire. Mom didn't know what to do, she dropped to the floor, panicked and screamed really loud. Instantly, the denom covered its ears and it's flame body flickered out. Mom screamed and screamed, praying for someone to come help her. But then something strange happened. The denom fled. It just ran away from her."
"That makes no sense. Why would it run away." Risan asks.
"We don't know. Mom thinks it might have been that the denom had a weakness to loud sounds. Either that or it had only intended to scare her to begin with, not kill her."
The bell rings signaling release from school. Finally, the last day of school was over. All that was left now was for Risan to pick up his Diploma.
"Hey, Kara. Maybe we should just pick up our diplomas from the office instead of going to the graduation ceremony." he says. "I really don't feel like sitting down in the gymnasium for two hours for it to start. I'll walk you home."
"Okay." she says as they begin to make their way down to the school office.
"We could take the bus to avoid being attacked by the denom."
"If you do, the denom may kill your family. It'll have no choice but to attack you in your home tonight." Light says.
"What's to stop it from killing Kara if I don't take the bus?" Risan asks.
"Kara has her uses." Light responds simply.
"What's that supposed to mean."
"It means she's worth more to this denom alive than dead." Light says. "You'll come to find that killing someone isn't necessarily the worst a denom can do."
"So it's going to do worse than kill her?" Risan questions.
"No." Light says simply.
"You make no sense." Risan swings the office door open, walks inside, and begins searching through a pile of large blue and yellow envelopes.
"You'll find out all too soon what I mean. Believe me, your better off for now not knowing."
Kara and Risan leave the school, diplomas in hand, and begin the short journey home.
"How come your diploma is yellow, Kara?" Risan wonders.
"Graduate with Honors." Kara smiles.
"Yeah, I forgot your going to study to become a doctor." he says.
"It's what my mom expects. Being a doctor is a pretty easy job. With all of the technology they've come out with it's basically just shove a pill down a persons throat and wait, these days."
"Does your mom get a lot of business at the hospital." Risan asks as they walked along the brightly sunlit path. It wasn't technically a hospital. What he called a hospital is actually Kara's house converted into a treatment facility. Other than Karas' family hospital there was only one other hospital in North A Ward. It was government run.
"Loads. Mostly due to injuries, not sickness. I'm like her second doctor, often quicker to recognize an illness than she is."
They turn a corner leading to Fifth Avenue, the hot summer sun beating down on their backs and the wind rushing through their hair.
"Nice. Are you becoming a doctor because you want to or because she wants you to?"
Kara frowns. "A little of both I guess."
"I think you'd make a great doctor." Risan adds.
"That's what mom..."
"HELP!" a deep voice cuts in.
What was that?” Risan looks at Kara worried. “It sounded close by.”
“Sounds like someones been hurt.” Kara says. “Come on, I think it was coming from over there.” She points down an alley on the other side of the road. They hear a scream for help again and follow it, running fast. Kara leads the way. They turn down one of the alleys side streets. There, right around the corner and laying face-down on the ground next to a puddle of water, is a man. The man had on an expensive looking black suit, which was weird for someone living in the North Ward.
“Sir.” Kara yells. “Sir!”
Kara walks toward him, leaving Risan alone at the edge of the building leading down the side street. Risan begins to feel really dizzy.
“Somethings not right.” Risan says.
“No. He seems to be knocked out cold.” She bends over next to the man and tries to flip him over onto his back.
“I meant with me. Don't you feel-” Risan falls over onto the ground.
Thats when it happens.
“Risan... come help me.” Kara yells still struggling to push the man onto his back and away from the puddle of water.
“Kara... somethings wrong... cant move. “ Risan struggles to say. He begins to see black.
“RISAN!” Kara screams.
The last thing Risan sees is the man in the suit's right hand around Kara's throat. He passes out.

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Old 05-10-2014, 09:52 AM
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An interesting new theme. The derivations of the names are very easy to make out making it a tad obvious. I must say that that the theme does draw me still I have a few issues with the story.

- There are certain grammatical and structural issues that pop out to me, but I believe that you will be running it by seasoned editors before you might publish it. Nothing they can't iron out here. The "your-you're" issue is the most serious one apart from a few others.
- Light says 'I hope it is not too much for you to digest'. Reading it for the first time around it does feel like a bit too much to digest in the first few paragraphs of the first chapter. I like scenes that are set up. I like to imagine scenes and infer details from the props as if in a play or a movie. Here I and 'Risan' are directly being told by an angel as to what, when, where. It is great that the plot and conflict have been outlined right off the bat with reasonable ambiguity and uncertainty about a possible resolution of the issue at hand.
- I cannot be sure but chapter one introduces Felicity as a 'blind' sister but in chapter 2 she seems to be able to 'stare at the faintly glowing blue strip'. Did she get her sight back somewhere along the way? Was it an inadvertent inconsistency in writing? I hope you can explain it in later chapters but it would be better to not bring about a storyline disconnect so early in the plot.
- Interesting conflict when Risan is told to rape Kara. Things seem to start moving faster. A reader can expect, sudden twists and breakneck plot speed after being given a shock twist like that. Good call I would say. It built-up my anticipation. Just a few lines all of it seems to have built-up to gratuitous sex in the plot. Some readers might like that but I am not much of a fan of that kind of thing.
- The third chapter progresses like a handbook of definitions to unlock the world that Risan lives in. I don't know if it is the best way to go with it. I would prefer more story and description and easing-in to the setting and scenario. It is always difficult to introduce a fantasy world and its characters. I suppose no one has found a perfect way of doing it.

Let me say once again that the core idea of a soul and its strength in a world of angels and denoms interests me. I am a fan of science fiction and fantastic fiction. Fantasy is my thing, but here the 3 chapters are giving me the feeling of a tutorial for a video game or some kind of hurried compiled back-story for the game world and characters.

I would prefer a lot more description and interesting twists and turns to get me the definitions that have been given in brackets and in some glossary form of explanatory structure in the third chapter. I would easily expect 4-5 more chapters worth of content to set-up the happenings of chapter 4. I mean at least 7-8 chapters before events of chapter 4 take place. The first two or three chapters engaging me as a reader in to this whole new world that Risan lives and breathes in. I would like Risan's 'Wards' to touch my soul before I invest myself with the Spirit Guardian thing.

I must once again say that as a fantasy afficionado, kudos for a new and potentially thrilling idea.
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Old 05-10-2014, 03:46 PM
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Originally Posted by anothereader View Post
An interesting new theme. The derivations of the names are very easy to make out making it a tad obvious. I must say that that the theme does draw me still I have a few issues with the story.

- There are certain grammatical and structural issues that pop out to me, but I believe that you will be running it by seasoned editors before you might publish it. Nothing they can't iron out here. The "your-you're" issue is the most serious one apart from a few others.
- Light says 'I hope it is not too much for you to digest'. Reading it for the first time around it does feel like a bit too much to digest in the first few paragraphs of the first chapter. I like scenes that are set up. I like to imagine scenes and infer details from the props as if in a play or a movie. Here I and 'Risan' are directly being told by an angel as to what, when, where. It is great that the plot and conflict have been outlined right off the bat with reasonable ambiguity and uncertainty about a possible resolution of the issue at hand.
- I cannot be sure but chapter one introduces Felicity as a 'blind' sister but in chapter 2 she seems to be able to 'stare at the faintly glowing blue strip'. Did she get her sight back somewhere along the way? Was it an inadvertent inconsistency in writing? I hope you can explain it in later chapters but it would be better to not bring about a storyline disconnect so early in the plot.
- Interesting conflict when Risan is told to rape Kara. Things seem to start moving faster. A reader can expect, sudden twists and breakneck plot speed after being given a shock twist like that. Good call I would say. It built-up my anticipation. Just a few lines all of it seems to have built-up to gratuitous sex in the plot. Some readers might like that but I am not much of a fan of that kind of thing.
- The third chapter progresses like a handbook of definitions to unlock the world that Risan lives in. I don't know if it is the best way to go with it. I would prefer more story and description and easing-in to the setting and scenario. It is always difficult to introduce a fantasy world and its characters. I suppose no one has found a perfect way of doing it.

Let me say once again that the core idea of a soul and its strength in a world of angels and denoms interests me. I am a fan of science fiction and fantastic fiction. Fantasy is my thing, but here the 3 chapters are giving me the feeling of a tutorial for a video game or some kind of hurried compiled back-story for the game world and characters.

I would prefer a lot more description and interesting twists and turns to get me the definitions that have been given in brackets and in some glossary form of explanatory structure in the third chapter. I would easily expect 4-5 more chapters worth of content to set-up the happenings of chapter 4. I mean at least 7-8 chapters before events of chapter 4 take place. The first two or three chapters engaging me as a reader in to this whole new world that Risan lives and breathes in. I would like Risan's 'Wards' to touch my soul before I invest myself with the Spirit Guardian thing.

I must once again say that as a fantasy afficionado, kudos for a new and potentially thrilling idea.
The your and you're problem will most definitely be taken care of later on in development. I'm still in rough draft form right now so nothing is final.
-Nice of you to point out Felicity's ability to see the slip of soul. She is indeed able to see the slip of soul with her souls eyes.
-I really need my book to stay at the twenty six chapter mark and I have a feeling that when I go to publish they'll need me to cut stuff out. It's already going to be running at almost four hundred pages, if not a little over. I kind of wanted to leave a lot of description of the setting out of my book, leaving it to the readers imagination, while still giving them enough to work with to get the general idea. However,the newly introduced ideas, such as the rankings of denom and the nombor SI, will indeed be investigated further in later chapters.
Hopefully the derivations of the names isnt too obvious, but thank you for pointing it out. Each name has a couple, so hopefully one or two squeaked by you.
As far as twists and turns go, I've got quite a few up my sleeve. At least one or two per chapter...
What can you deduce about my book from the chapter titles?
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Old 05-10-2014, 09:58 PM
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Originally Posted by Virtue View Post
The your and you're problem will most definitely be taken care of later on in development. I'm still in rough draft form right now so nothing is final.
-Nice of you to point out Felicity's ability to see the slip of soul. She is indeed able to see the slip of soul with her souls eyes.
-I really need my book to stay at the twenty six chapter mark and I have a feeling that when I go to publish they'll need me to cut stuff out. It's already going to be running at almost four hundred pages, if not a little over. I kind of wanted to leave a lot of description of the setting out of my book, leaving it to the readers imagination, while still giving them enough to work with to get the general idea. However,the newly introduced ideas, such as the rankings of denom and the nombor SI, will indeed be investigated further in later chapters.
Hopefully the derivations of the names isnt too obvious, but thank you for pointing it out. Each name has a couple, so hopefully one or two squeaked by you.
As far as twists and turns go, I've got quite a few up my sleeve. At least one or two per chapter...
What can you deduce about my book from the chapter titles?
The chapter titles are a mystery to me. I checked for some pattern in them even before I started reading. I could not deduce any. The chapter titles looked interesting enough to me and I just read the piece. I am honestly yet to make a connection with the chapter titles and the sentences following those titles and the content of those said chapters.

While your fear of having a book too long is true let me stick with my original suggestion. Consider spacing out the descriptions and definitions of your world. Consider doing this by making two books. One to introduce a reader in to the world and another to forward your story as you seem to move in the pieces shared here.

There are two contrasting approaches I know of for this. Harry Potter began in a straightforward fashion. Rowling opens the series by casual explanations and set-ups leading to the readers easing-in to the magic world from the 'muggle' world. Isaac Asimov's foundation series started out pretty much in the middle. We jump right in and Asimov forgoes all but the very necessary definitions and descriptions of the Foundation universe. This approach was radical then but definitely takes a level of mastery and practice. You could try something new. It is a very valid concern that the publishers will want to cut it down. The better thing to do would be to cut it yourself right now and find a way to introduce stuff through story and events.

The toughest decision as a writer is to not love your story like child but live through it like a character. The characters ups and downs will speak like a haunting voice in your head but unfortunately for a reader the character is not so important for a reader unless they emotionally invest themselves. The trick has always been to get the reader to emotionally invest in the plot lines. Here the jerky introduction keeps the reader on the fast-lane but in another vehicle. It is like watching a car-chase on TV. Exciting and intriguing but I might as well switch the channel and find another reality show as interesting. I believe that jerky introductions do not serve well for even a good idea as souls and their domains.

I read through the piece once again and feel that you either need to space it out or do away with those that are not immediately necessary for plot progression. Maybe you might find a new way to handle the defining of Risan' universe.

BTW, the Risan Anew chapter title seems to make the derivation of Risans name also pretty obvious. This could be a good thing depending on how you will be handling it all.
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Old 05-12-2014, 07:11 AM
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As an update, I'm on chapter nine of twenty six.
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Old 05-12-2014, 08:27 AM
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A. Hope in Sight
"Hope has its limitations. Those limitations should always lie just out of sight of the direction your traveling."

"What the Hell?" A young teenager of about eighteen yells. The teens hair is golden blonde, and he has deep gray eyes. He has on a black school uniform, which consists of black pants complete with yellow belt and a black button up long sleeved shirt.

"Actually, it's the opposite." says a voice seemingly coming from all directions.

The teenager looks around in curiosity. Above him is the starry, clear night sky and to his horror, below him is the ground, only miles away. He seems to be sitting on something small, white and poofy, floating in the sky.

"Where am I?" he asks the voice. He knows exactly where he is, it is more of a question as to how he got here.

In bed asleep." That wasn't the answer he expected.

"So... if I'm asleep, then this must be a dream then, right? It feels so real." he responded hesitantly. "Your not supposed to be able to feel dreams, are you?"

"A dream is something your mind makes up, this is real. This, is a vision. " He noticed the voice must belong to a male. It was deep, but it also had a light friendly tone to it.

"Wait... I thought you said I was asleep"

"You are asleep, But what in heavens makes you think it can't be real as well. I can assure you, your sound asleep in bed at home. Another part of you just happens to be awake in my home as well." A flash of light in the shape of a human flickers to the young mans right. The lights' flashing and brightness blinds the him for a few moments and then it fades away to reveal the voice in form. He had bright blue eyes and long white hair. He was probably around twenty years old and wore a plain white shirt with blue pants. "My name is Light. I'm am a first ranking angel. I am the angel of war on shadow and vision. Your in Henava(Hei-vin) the house of angels. Your soul was summoned here by me. Your Risan Ingel."

"Yes." Risan answers back even though it wasn't a question. "But what do the angels want with me? Am I in some sort of trouble or something?"

"Well, you are... but not on our side. Listen closely Risan, pay attention to everything I say. It very well could save your existence." Light says.

In an instant, the white poofy cloud Risan happens to be sitting on disappears. He barely has enough time to look down, before that's the direction he's headed, and fast. He panics and screams as he falls flailing his arms and legs in every direction. He speeds toward the ground, the only thought in his head being that he wasn't going to survive to see the morning. Then something strange happens. Risan crashes into the ground going extremely fast, but a couple minutes after impact he stands up unscathed and unharmed. Not a scratch on him.

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It is much easier for a fellow auther/reader to read and critique a piece if it is structured properly.
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Old 05-12-2014, 02:30 PM
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Originally Posted by Mohican View Post
It is much easier for a fellow auther/reader to read and critique a piece if it is structured properly.
Sorry about that. I used a kindle fire to post this story and it has a really bad copy paste mechanic. My version does indeed have paragraph breaks and also indentations which were taken out of my copied form.
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Last edited by Virtue; 05-12-2014 at 02:34 PM..
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Old 05-14-2014, 05:33 AM
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Debating whether or not to post the fourth chapter....
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