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Best football (soccer) match ever!

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  #1  
Old 10-17-2012, 03:48 AM
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Default Best football (soccer) match ever!


I turned on the TV last night after my daughter had had more than her fair share of i-Carly.

The intention was to watch Poland v England. Now I've gone off football. I prefer rugby. The reasons for this are manifold, but mainly to do with cheating and over-paid arrogant wimps. I am a hardened masochist, though, so I do force myself to suffer England games, especially the bits where we inevitably lose at penalty shoot-outs.

Last night, I thought idly to myself, would be no different. How wrong I was! I was treated to the most entertaining televised spectacle i had seen for years. Oh, how I laughed. It was pouring down and the officials were trying to decide if the match could be played.

I roared with laughter watching the referree wandering around the sodden turf, optimistically throwing a ball into the puddles, where it splashed down like a returning apollo space mission.

How I chuckled when the most optimistic man I have ever set eyes on, kept moving to another puddle to see if the ball would do the same there.

I guffawed when it was announced that the stadium roof could not be closed because it was raining. I mean, what's the use of a roof that can't be used when it's bad weather? My daughter and I set about inventing FIFA's (Federation of Idiotic and Farcical Inventions)

Megan came up with hairspray for bald people. I came up with swimsuits that are dry clean only...do not wash. Have a go yourselves, it's really good fun.

Then the clowns came on. England fans running around the pitch, diving headfirst into the puddles and aquaplaning to a stop, arms spread wide. They were pursued by officials who couldn't keep their feet...hilarious. Better than a circus.

Next came the tortured FIFA officials, trying to justify why they had held a high-powered meeting and decided to leave the roof open. The tortured anguish on their faces was better than any psychological thriller.

Finally, at the point that my sides positively hurt from all the merriment, they declared that the weather was bad and the match would be postponed until the following day.

I have realised the errors of my ways. I will now watch all football matches avidly. What I had misunderstood was that the sport is not there to be taken seriously. It is there to provide worldwide and uplifting humour.

Thanks, FIFA, for a thoroughly entertaining evening.

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Old 10-17-2012, 04:37 AM
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You had me laughing out loud! Thank you CumbrianLad.

And I have a FIFA too: ovenware, not to be used over 80C

I'm going to nominate this.
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Old 10-17-2012, 04:43 AM
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LOL funny read Cumbrianlad haha thank you for posting.
Football behaving badly I say and losing it a bit. I can't stand football it is full of immature overpaid athletes and with a very stinking attitude some of them.
About i-carly what the eck is that all about. It is a crazy show for crazy people.
I did wonder about the parents of the kids who are running the show? I wonder what they make of it.
I mean the programm is appauling I know I would not have my kid starring in that it would do his head long term more then anything.
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Last edited by Nacia; 10-17-2012 at 04:45 AM..
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Old 10-17-2012, 05:03 AM
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Thanks to you both.

Nacia, I don't mind my daughter watching i-Carly, even though I agree that it is complete drivel. She balances this by watching nature documentaries and even QI.

There is only so much i-Carly that any self-respecting TV set can stand without blowing up, though, never mind the fact that I am quite likely to vomit copiously after more than a couple of episodes. I have found that such bouts of projectile vomiting do not make for a pleasant night in. TV sets are expensive, I have to look after the one I have! I am sure it enjoyed displaying farcical football last night.
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Old 10-17-2012, 06:48 AM
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Originally Posted by CumbrianLad View Post
I am a hardened masochist, though, so I do force myself to suffer England games, especially the bits where we inevitably lose at penalty shoot-outs.

.
That's nothing compared to what we Scotland fans go through

Very funny read, thanks for posting.
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Old 10-18-2012, 06:59 AM
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even QI
Smart kid.

FIFA: Lead cutlery
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