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Here To Stay (a song I wrote)

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Old 04-12-2012, 09:16 PM
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Default Here To Stay (a song I wrote)


1. Had a bad day
Nothings going my way
Bad words are all I wanna say
I come home tears running down my faceCHORUS
You take my hand
Wipe my tears away
You lean in and kiss me
My problems melt away when I realize you're here to stay

2. I lost my purse
my head hurts
I broke my heel
And I was late for work
I come home and fall to my kneesCHORUS

You take my hand
Wipe my tears away
You lean in and kiss me
My problems melt away when I realize you're here to stay
BRIDGE
Baby, when your lips touch mine my world instantly brightens. All becauseCHORUS
You take my hand
Wipe my tears away
Lean in and kiss me
My problems melt away
Because you kissed me

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Old 04-27-2012, 12:38 PM
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This is my first critique here, so forgive me if it's not what you're looking for.

The concept of this song is good; however I do think it can be improved. The first thing I noticed is that the rhyming seemed kind of elementary and repetitive. What I mean by this is that you use simple words at the end of each line, and used words to rhyme using the ending -ay throughout much of the song. Do you own a rhyming dictionary? There are good ones online, such as rhymezone, but I think the paper ones are better because you can choose your own rhymes and words that seem to rhyme. (Sometimes the online ones don't have very creative near rhymes.) Using a combination of simple and complex words in your rhymes is usually best.

Also your long lines, such as, "My problems melt away when I realize you're here to stay" and "Baby, when your lips touch mine my world instantly brightens. All because" don't look like they'd logistically work with all your short lines. I would consider splitting them up.

This is a good song, though, and a very good concept. Good job
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