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Old 02-16-2015, 08:39 AM
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Azmacna (Offline)
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OK, I've rejigged a couple of things. I've changed a couple of words here and there to help telegraph a sense that this isn't normal insomnia and I've brought the paragraphs together in order to avoid using Tick-Tock too often; although I think I may have lost the sense I was going for there ... I'm not sure. I've also added a rough draft of the last paragraph of this brief opener to give a much bigger clue to the fact Jacob has psychosis.

The last line is just there for the moment to explain the situation. It needs changing at some point.
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Last edited by Azmacna; 02-16-2015 at 08:48 AM..
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