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Old 02-16-2015, 08:39 AM
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Azmacna (Offline)
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OK, I've rejigged a couple of things. I've changed a couple of words here and there to help telegraph a sense that this isn't normal insomnia and I've brought the paragraphs together in order to avoid using Tick-Tock too often; although I think I may have lost the sense I was going for there ... I'm not sure. I've also added a rough draft of the last paragraph of this brief opener to give a much bigger clue to the fact Jacob has psychosis.

The last line is just there for the moment to explain the situation. It needs changing at some point.

Last edited by Azmacna; 02-16-2015 at 08:48 AM..
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