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Old 07-30-2017, 05:36 AM
Myers (Offline)
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Originally Posted by Grace Gabriel View Post
I'm not much of a drinker - if I have alcohol, it's only in appreciation of a particular taste or vintage - I don't like to drink to excess and find drunken company extremely tedious.

My lifelong battle has been conventional cigarettes. I will never be a non-smoker. Just a smoker on the wagon at best.

I hate cigarettes and have extensive knowledge of the damage they cause - which makes me hate myself even more when I lapse and put one in my mouth.

I've got a tin hidden in a woodpile outside with my secret stash for the occasional 'bad day' or the deliberate pre-meditated lapse. Truthfully, I sometimes slip out for a smoke because it's a form of company. Never smoke in public. Always when I'm on my own and feeling alone with a problem.

Sometimes, it's just decadent relaxation.
I'm not saying this is the case with you -- but for me, part of my addictive personality is this need to feel like I'm getting away with something.

When I was little, my grandpa used to take me fishing or just out for a drive. The first think he did was stop at a store and buy cokes and Fritos or Cheetos and Slim Jims -- these spicy processed meat snacks. All the kinds of junk I definitely was not allowed to have.

My wife is kind of a healthy eating nut, so I used to buy all that stuff and hide it or eat in the car before I got home. That may sound like a relatively small transgression, but because of my track record of addiction, the behavior upset her -- it was essentially lying by omission.

She was like, you're a grown man, you can eat whatever you want. But once I was given permission, the allure was kind of gone...
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