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Old 07-15-2010, 01:27 PM
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AbbyBlack (Offline)
The Next Bard
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Join Date: Jul 2010
Posts: 489
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It's too long. When a piece is that long, you can't keep up. Being halfway, you have to go back to the start because you've already forgotten what the first lines were... er, I do that, anyway. Maybe I have bad memory. But even if I do, remeber that you don't choose your reader and he may just as well have a very low short term memory capacity. Respect that and people will remember what the poem was about by the end they finish : p
But I see some lovely figurative speech here... and some really lovely use of vocabulary. Totally want to read more of your work.
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