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Old 07-15-2010, 10:52 AM
Alex Moon's Avatar
Alex Moon (Offline)
The Next Bard
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Join Date: Jul 2010
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This feels like it lacks any emotion. From the first stanza down, I felt like I wasn't emotionally attached at all. And the words read monotone and they didn't sound like it came purely from the heart. It has good flow. But the emotion wasn't there. I felt like I was forced down a happiness that wasn't there.
You have a good writing style. You just need to figure out how to channel your emotions. Imo.
Keep up writing and keep writing and writing. You'll soon be able to find your true feelings.
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