Thread: Birthday Wish
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Old 04-29-2017, 03:36 PM
Cityboy (Offline)
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Originally Posted by spshane View Post
I feel like I'm being told a story rather than having the story play out for me as I read it (show don't tell). I would suggest get rid of the passive verbs (began to, etc.)
Good advice. Verbs weak, story loose. A few rewrites would help.
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