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Old 11-28-2017, 02:41 PM
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fleamailman (Online)
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("..the character is convincing enough, however, the first line in the second paragraph has a misswording, "I have a studio in it" is what it should read even if it doesn't..." smiled the goblin seated at his computer this late night now hoping sqoo wouldn't mind his pointing that out though, before adding "...oh, and there are few more further on too, but apart from that it's written in "first", meaning that had you written it in "third" then you could have added narration saving on the verbal explanation in part...", not that the goblin knew anything about writing really, only that the more he escaped here online the less he would feel that cold peculating through the curtain next to him he imagined, asking "...is it just me, but she seems to used slang words nicely but lines themselves lack casuality, for example how I would write the last paragraph would be more like "just, I'm single see, and that's the way I prefer it as my last boyfriend, oh some 5 years back now, was a right knob, not that sleep around neither, naah, it must be about 9 months since I last shagged someone", but I write so wrongly that I really shouldn't be advising you like this...", which was ok he felt because nobody sane would ever read this far anyway, inquiring "...by any chance you haven't read this far have you now, that good because I do believe this forum has writing standards to maintain...", his post written he dreamed that his bed would next swallow him whole in the effort)

Last edited by fleamailman; 11-29-2017 at 02:56 AM..
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