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Old 08-14-2012, 02:30 PM
norvbrooks (Offline)
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Join Date: Apr 2012
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Icon6 Autumn Contest (Prose) Message in a Bottle

It seems that the theme "Message in a Bottle" - Prose - has inspired nautical storylines in the entries so far. I guess that was to be expected.

Quetzalcoatl - your excerpt from the log of Belle Marie was very well done. I had to read it a second time to make up my mind that it was fictional. A couple of things I had questions about:
In the 12:34 pm entry you wrote
"I have decided to make all haste in finding the island."
I don't see any mention of an island before this. Did you intentionally hold back any information about the survivor being on an island?
In the 7:05 am entry
"A small puff of smoke rose into the air and the sound of a gunshot was heard a few seconds later."
I question whether the smoke from a flintlock pistol would be visible from a distance. In early morning light the muzzleflash might be.
One last thing, which might be a bit knitpicky, is Jameson a typical Portuguese name?

bmj851 - Ship in the Bottle - very nicely done. I really don't have any comments on the writing. Interesting little fantasy.
The Following 2 Users Say Thank You to norvbrooks For This Useful Post:
bmj851 (08-14-2012), Quetzalcoatl (08-14-2012)