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Old 09-05-2015, 02:45 AM
Themightypencil (Offline)
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Join Date: Jun 2015
Location: Melbourne
Posts: 10
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Really good. Excellent flow and short precise dialouge. I felt the opening few lines could be better, a sentence after the first thing you say just to grab our attention. Also maybe change one of the concentrations to another word, don't want to use the same descriptive word twice in such a short space of time but other than that pretty enjoyable couple minutes of reading. Thanks
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pswgear (09-05-2015)