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Old 09-19-2017, 10:56 AM
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Grace Gabriel (Offline)
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Enjoyed this mlp - particularly the final twist in your tale.

Your opening decription: "The shadow moved slowly towards Mitchell." Stop there...it's all that's needed. What follows is a nonsense of shadows without edges merging with bigger shadows....too much.

Sentences are long winded and clunky in places eg: "The beast wanted him alive. It was enjoying the pain and fear Mitchell was experiencing"

The beast wanted him alive... more fun that way.

Trim down your sentences for a slick read.

Other than that - nice job with a faith-restoring sense of retribution x
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