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Old 05-04-2014, 04:39 PM
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LostCauseRebel (Offline)
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Hello Jenzie,

I just read the whole thing and can say already, that I'd definitely love to hear the rest of the story once it is finished. Aside from the fresh plot idea, I really enjoyed your dialogue; There are some good laughs in the play, and your writing makes the characters appear smart, well thought out and widely different from each other. I was able to imagine the scenes quite clearly while reading.

Plus I like the pace of the play. I didn't find a line to be unnecessary, or distracting. There are a few spelling and grammatical mistakes, but I'm sure you'll have no trouble finding and fixing them next time you read the play.

It's been two weeks since your post, so you might've continued the story already. In case you still suffer from the block, these thoughs might help you:

I think the most interesting thing to show next is how Ash and Max view their situation and feel about each other. Maybe they run into each other during the next day of school (at Ash's locker, or maybe they could share a table in the school's cafeteria?). After that, you could also show how their schoolmates react to the two of them being friends now. Also there's Marcus, who's probably thinking of a way to take revenge on Ashley. And how will Max feel about probably becoming a target of the bullies because of his unpopular friend now, too?

I'd also be interested in learning more about Max's motives: What did the letter he wrote to Ash say? Why is he apparently doing that every time he meets a guy after moving to a new place? WHAT exactly is he doing every time he meets a guy after moving to a new place?

Anyway, I honestly like the piece a lot and hope you were/are able to knock down that writer's block with a wrecking ball!
"A pat on the back now to an artist could one day result in your favorite film, or the cartoon you love to get stoned watching, or the song that saves your life. Discourage an artist, you get absolutely nothing in return, ever."

Last edited by LostCauseRebel; 05-04-2014 at 04:42 PM..
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Jenzie2786 (06-03-2014)