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Old 07-29-2014, 08:16 PM
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RyleyAlexander (Offline)
I Am My Own Master
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Location: Florida, sadly.
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I wish I knew why my father hates me so much. No matter what I do, I never seem to be good enough for him. My grades aren't high enough. My room is too messy. He hates me clothes. He wants me to be preppy and perfect. I think he expected I'd be one of those kids that dresses like he's in a school uniform all the time- you know khaki slacks and a button down- even when he's just at home, and plays the piano, and uses perfect manners, and smiles all the time. It's just not me. I wear jeans and a black t-shirt most of the time. I listen to rock. And I just don't feel like smiling. I think he wants me to help him project the image of some perfect family, but that's just not us and I won't lie to make it look that way.

I think he hates me because I stand up to him too. My mom is very quite and I'd even go as far as to say weak. He likes that. He doesn't like anyone to challenge his authority, but it's not in me to just say yes all the time and let him push me around.

My mom can't help because she doesn't understand me. We have nothing in common. She's very, uh, Martha Stewart. I'm more Kurt Cobain- but without the drugs. A little drinking here and there, but nothing too bad.

Why would I believe in God? He's done nothing to show me that he exists. I spent most of my childhood praying to him that he'd make my father love me, make the kids at school stop picking on me all the time, or just show me he cares. I never got an answer. Even if he does exist, I think he's just like my dad- power hungry and jumping at the first chance he gets to strike down anyone who dares to stand up to him. Refusing to help anyone who doesn't fall in line. Just look Jeff. God never helped him with his depression or the bullying. And why? Because he thinks guys are attractive? So what? Why does God have to hate him so much just because he's a little different?
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