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Search: Posts Made By: design007
Forum: Fiction 09-07-2009, 08:10 AM
Replies: 7
Views: 791
Posted By design007
Thanks Tyrael and Zombie. It's official: gotta...

Thanks Tyrael and Zombie. It's official: gotta change the beginning.
Forum: Fiction 09-04-2009, 11:15 AM
Replies: 7
Views: 791
Posted By design007
Thanks Whisper; appreciate your comments. This...

Thanks Whisper; appreciate your comments. This tells me I've got to re-work the beginning. And yes, the world has enough drive-bys and robberies--can't tell the white hats from the black hats these...
Forum: Fiction 09-04-2009, 09:04 AM
Replies: 7
Views: 791
Posted By design007
LOL, yes Calli the beginning had another friend...

LOL, yes Calli the beginning had another friend of mine a little confused. I see it clearly in my mind, but might be missing the mark on the wording. The part about him running off with the cart is...
Forum: Fiction 09-04-2009, 08:27 AM
Replies: 28
Views: 2,027
Posted By design007
Firefly, the MC is definitely scary and...

Firefly, the MC is definitely scary and interesting! So often, these types of characters are portrayed as male, whether in fiction or film, or even TV: i.e., "Dexter".

While the second part does...
Forum: Fiction 09-04-2009, 06:48 AM
Replies: 7
Views: 791
Posted By design007
Bad Penny

This story’s been percolating in the back of my mind for years. It’s based on a true story, though I’ve fictionalized it to bring you my version of the events. I knew the MC personally, and yes—he...
Forum: Fiction 09-03-2009, 04:23 AM
Replies: 14
Views: 1,671
Posted By design007
Very nice read here! All that has been said I...

Very nice read here! All that has been said I agree with. I'm glad you took out the part that tipped the reader to the MC being other than human. The most important thing is, you hook your reader and...
Forum: Fiction 08-31-2009, 06:51 AM
Replies: 15
Views: 1,571
Posted By design007
Icon7 Whoa Calli--Vile indeed. I enjoyed it; it kept me...

Whoa Calli--Vile indeed. I enjoyed it; it kept me reading, but some SPaG. What follows are only suggestions. Use or lose as you see fit.

At midnight I found one that would suit my purpose, a girl...
Forum: Prompts & Challenges 08-26-2009, 06:58 AM
Replies: 7
Views: 976
Posted By design007
:)Teancor--he was doing both--although not at the...

:)Teancor--he was doing both--although not at the same time; he was still being "tested" for the program. He'd returned for his "fix". Intentionally left it up to the reader which fix that might be....
Forum: Prompts & Challenges 08-24-2009, 10:00 AM
Replies: 7
Views: 976
Posted By design007
Icon7 Thanks very much Firefly.

Thanks very much Firefly.
Forum: Prompts & Challenges 08-24-2009, 08:28 AM
Replies: 7
Views: 976
Posted By design007
Cliche #3-Sweet Spot (654 PG 13)/Red or Green wire?

Sweet Spot


Test subject A’s been playing against the Roadrunner computer now for eighteen hours, only occasionally taking water and two bathroom breaks. So far, the super computer’s won ten...
Forum: Prompts & Challenges 08-17-2009, 06:34 PM
Replies: 19
Views: 3,782
Posted By design007
Teancor, as usual, very nice story. I'm sure J.H....

Teancor, as usual, very nice story. I'm sure J.H. would approve.
Forum: Fiction 08-17-2009, 12:18 PM
Replies: 4
Views: 618
Posted By design007
Such lovely, vivid word pictures you make! They...

Such lovely, vivid word pictures you make! They give the story a 3D dimensional feel that makes it live and breathe. Ars longa, vita brevis for real! I'll leave what little SPaG exists to others.
...
Forum: Free Writing 08-12-2009, 08:15 AM
Replies: 10
Views: 1,223
Posted By design007
Wearing an old football helmet, a leather jacket,...

Wearing an old football helmet, a leather jacket, and a pair of oven mitts, I am heading into the boxes carrying the treat. Lure him out and the zoo guy will do his thing. I made him promise that if...
Forum: Writing Help & Issues 08-10-2009, 05:20 PM
Replies: 6
Views: 1,088
Posted By design007
VoltaGhost...the word's withdrawal.

VoltaGhost...the word's withdrawal.
Forum: Fiction 08-10-2009, 12:24 PM
Replies: 13
Views: 984
Posted By design007
Hi Alice-- Thanks for the explanation. It...

Hi Alice--

Thanks for the explanation. It helps me understand better what your aims are. Sequels are interesting things. I enjoy reading them and watching them as films. Sometimes they act as...
Forum: Fiction 08-10-2009, 07:31 AM
Replies: 13
Views: 984
Posted By design007
Hi Alice- You tell the story with ease; I...

Hi Alice-

You tell the story with ease; I can picture the MC perfectly. This is a page out of a fairly predictable teenage girl's life--her responses to an unpredictable circumstance kept me...
Forum: Fiction 08-03-2009, 03:17 PM
Replies: 13
Views: 1,904
Posted By design007
Bravo! Kept me very entertained; and it's been a...

Bravo! Kept me very entertained; and it's been a while. In fact, it was never boring, not trite--and the violence wasn't all that bad. I thought of it as a quirky type of foreplay. Nice job. Keep...
Forum: Prompts & Challenges 07-30-2009, 06:10 AM
Replies: 5
Views: 1,106
Posted By design007
Hi Gaines--Finally got free to read this. Yes,...

Hi Gaines--Finally got free to read this. Yes, it's a heartfelt, familiar "crush". But I think you can still resuscitate this one beyond banal. I don't think you got off target, but do feel you shied...
Forum: Prompts & Challenges 07-29-2009, 08:41 AM
Replies: 18
Views: 2,198
Posted By design007
Hot Damn Gaines! My brother Darryl and my other...

Hot Damn Gaines! My brother Darryl and my other Darryl really do like this! Like when you get a little...twisted.:tongue:
Forum: Fiction 07-27-2009, 07:40 PM
Replies: 1
Views: 552
Posted By design007
Very visual storytellling and even poetic in...

Very visual storytellling and even poetic in places. I don't think Tristan's feminized at all; although I think if you were to post the beginning of this story, it would clarify some things about...
Forum: Fiction 07-27-2009, 05:32 PM
Replies: 5
Views: 814
Posted By design007
Hi Alice-- Overall, good job. The story...

Hi Alice--

Overall, good job. The story took a little time getting going, but it picked up with the description of the well. Some troublesome descriptions, and long sentences in a few places, but...
Forum: Fiction 07-25-2009, 04:09 AM
Replies: 2
Views: 938
Posted By design007
Hi Oriana-- First of all, I applaud you for...

Hi Oriana--

First of all, I applaud you for attempting this story on Note pad. Lots going on here. Lots of spelling, punctuation and grammar errors too. I won't do a line by line explication, but...
Forum: Non-Fiction 07-21-2009, 01:09 PM
Replies: 10
Views: 2,570
Posted By design007
Signed, sealed, delivered. Feels good, doesn't...

Signed, sealed, delivered. Feels good, doesn't it? Nice job...
Forum: Fiction 07-16-2009, 08:24 AM
Replies: 11
Views: 747
Posted By design007
Know what you mean. Sometimes a phrase just...

Know what you mean. Sometimes a phrase just haunts, and there's a tug-of-war. Had one like that a while back and finally I just gave in.
Forum: Fiction 07-16-2009, 08:03 AM
Replies: 11
Views: 747
Posted By design007
Icon7 Gaines, what a chilling story! Great mise en...

Gaines, what a chilling story! Great mise en scene...mist, night, the chase--all hooked me from the start and kept me reading. Wanted to know more about Hiram Tate!

Just a few things to...
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