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Forum: Fiction 01-04-2016, 06:58 PM
Replies: 2
Views: 650
Posted By Futureblues
Interesting. Neat way to do flash fiction: show...

Interesting. Neat way to do flash fiction: show us a tiny cross-section of a story and lead us to imagine the rest in our heads. I like it. I like your descriptions. They'd read better in simpler,...
Forum: Fiction 01-02-2016, 01:58 PM
Replies: 11
Views: 1,351
Posted By Futureblues
It's a story about a selfish person who doesn't...

It's a story about a selfish person who doesn't understand circumstance, Coniglio. The story was so short, I hoped the parallel drawn between a young black boy being shot by a police officer and a...
Forum: Fiction 12-30-2015, 04:26 PM
Replies: 6
Views: 894
Posted By Futureblues
Hey, second note. I really recommend Stephen...

Hey, second note. I really recommend Stephen King's 'On Writing,' if you haven't read it yet. Even if you're not a fan of his work, it provides a helpful window into the process of a determined...
Forum: Fiction 12-30-2015, 04:21 PM
Replies: 4
Views: 734
Posted By Futureblues
Florida, US. Why?

Florida, US. Why?
Forum: Fiction 12-28-2015, 09:21 PM
Replies: 4
Views: 734
Posted By Futureblues
I said yes, but maybe later. I read until I got...

I said yes, but maybe later. I read until I got to the big block of unending dialogue in the second. The corny punchline at the end of the first one is what kept me going that far. Made me snort.
...
Forum: Fiction 12-28-2015, 09:02 PM
Replies: 3
Views: 678
Posted By Futureblues
Lioness, 660w writing exercise excerpt

Backstory:

Man married Woman, who became abusive. They divorced and Woman became a stalker. Woman was committed, but escaped this morning. Man arrived at his parents’ summer home this evening...
Forum: Fiction 12-28-2015, 02:14 PM
Replies: 2
Views: 616
Posted By Futureblues
Here's a quick editor's treatment for the first...

Here's a quick editor's treatment for the first paragraph. It could be better, but couldn't it always? Please don't be discouraged. I think you show promise :)



Revised:


I'm not a perfect...
Forum: Fiction 12-24-2015, 07:08 AM
Replies: 6
Views: 894
Posted By Futureblues
You're new to this? Well, keep going. You're a...

You're new to this? Well, keep going. You're a hell of a lot better than I was when I started. I think you're better now, very talented. Keep going.



This is the only part I didn't like. I like...
Forum: Fiction 12-24-2015, 06:31 AM
Replies: 13
Views: 1,026
Posted By Futureblues
Hey, nice job on this. Have you considered...

Hey, nice job on this. Have you considered writing scripts for anime/manga rather than writing short stories? You use characterizations like closed eyes and twitching eyebrows, which are visual...
Forum: Fiction 12-24-2015, 06:17 AM
Replies: 11
Views: 1,351
Posted By Futureblues
Untitled Short - 600w

(350w, actually)

An old elm tree leaned on my two story house. When the wind blew, the branches bent and scraped along the siding, moving across and back again like the bristles of a broom.
...
Forum: Fiction 09-18-2015, 10:40 AM
Replies: 3
Views: 451
Posted By Futureblues
Wading through this, you're talking about a lot...

Wading through this, you're talking about a lot of things which haven't been introduced, as if they had been. It's a little confusing. What procedures? What is a superheroes wedding? What thumbnails?...
Forum: Fiction 09-18-2015, 09:57 AM
Replies: 0
Views: 514
Posted By Futureblues
The Runner - Cambridge Writing Exercise

So, the challenge is to open a book, close your eyes, and point to somewhere on the page. The phrase your finger lands on, you must use at some point in a five minute, nonstop writing surge. There's...
Forum: Fiction 05-07-2014, 07:26 AM
Replies: 2
Views: 597
Posted By Futureblues
Three inches is a bit crazy for the space between...

Three inches is a bit crazy for the space between fingers ;)

Is this the entire thing? Well written, but if it's a story there's no arc. It seems to be about a guy who cuts his finger off, wakes...
Forum: Fiction 05-06-2014, 11:15 AM
Replies: 5
Views: 568
Posted By Futureblues
Neat. I haven't read poetry in a while, but I...

Neat. I haven't read poetry in a while, but I followed this one to the end. You definitely show emotion. What I wonder is this: do the sounds drive your prose or does every word mean something? Some...
Forum: Fiction 05-06-2014, 11:06 AM
Replies: 0
Views: 402
Posted By Futureblues
The Queen's Story, excerpt

This is an excerpt from a novel I'm writing. It's kind of a vignette, but it contributes a little to the short arc of the first chapter. Let me know what you think.

The Queen's Story

The queen...
Forum: Fiction 05-06-2014, 11:05 AM
Replies: 7
Views: 766
Posted By Futureblues
Great, think about it and rewrite until it works...

Great, think about it and rewrite until it works for you.
Forum: Fiction 05-05-2014, 08:28 AM
Replies: 7
Views: 766
Posted By Futureblues
I enjoyed it, really. You have a natural sense...

I enjoyed it, really. You have a natural sense for storytelling. The outdoor atmosphere was tangible.

The second half doesn't seem to have a setting, and you seem pretty intent on just giving us...
Forum: Fiction 05-04-2014, 10:59 PM
Replies: 0
Views: 317
Posted By Futureblues
Songs of War, Sci-Fi, 2200w

[please delete]
Forum: Fiction 04-07-2014, 08:15 AM
Replies: 8
Views: 749
Posted By Futureblues
Well, I guess what I mean to say is that better...

Well, I guess what I mean to say is that better becomes a matter of opinion at a point. Dangerous thinking for anybody who hasn't been writing for a while.

You're right about most of it, I'd say....
Forum: Fiction 04-06-2014, 06:48 PM
Replies: 8
Views: 749
Posted By Futureblues
I'm not going to ignore you, but I don't take...

I'm not going to ignore you, but I don't take everybody's criticism directly to heart. If you want to stick around, I can defend my decisions in some places and change some things.

Overall, I like...
Forum: Fiction 04-06-2014, 01:01 PM
Replies: 8
Views: 749
Posted By Futureblues
I appreciate the input. I've come to like a...

I appreciate the input. I've come to like a simplistic style like Hemingway's. I guess if there were a better word to describe the bridge, I would use it. I like old, but maybe there is a better way...
Forum: Fiction 04-05-2014, 12:41 PM
Replies: 18
Views: 2,792
Posted By Futureblues
Funny, pointless. If it were longer I would've...

Funny, pointless. If it were longer I would've probably quit reading, but it works well at 500 words. Thanks for the read.

One thing:



Would read smoother like this:
Forum: Fiction 04-05-2014, 11:03 AM
Replies: 8
Views: 749
Posted By Futureblues
Focus by the Sea, ch. 1 excerpt

Jennifer stood on the beach. The tide rolled in over her feet and she sank deeper into the sand, now turned to mud. The tide rolled back out and it was sand, again.

She carried a pill in her...
Forum: Fiction 04-05-2014, 11:03 AM
Replies: 0
Views: 403
Posted By Futureblues
(delete)

Delete this, please. Thanks.
Forum: Fiction 01-28-2014, 03:49 PM
Replies: 0
Views: 398
Posted By Futureblues
Showing results 1 to 25 of 124

 

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