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Search: Posts Made By: Bellumview
Forum: Poetry 03-16-2014, 08:01 AM
Replies: 1
Views: 406
Posted By Bellumview
Missed Nature

I leave the boys behind
The concrete court
had more than its time

nature calls from below
a growing wind
and gray sky

I avoid with each step
a sink into mud
Forum: Poetry 03-15-2014, 10:51 AM
Replies: 3
Views: 414
Posted By Bellumview
Good poem. Described archetypes very well and it...

Good poem. Described archetypes very well and it has a very good flow.
Forum: Fiction 03-14-2014, 01:01 PM
Replies: 2
Views: 453
Posted By Bellumview
Icon10 Diseased Parallel

I really would like as much critique on this as possible. Tear it to pieces so I can get better!

Darkness crowds in on the wary travelers. They succumb to its enchanting form. The day behind them...
Forum: Poetry 03-14-2014, 12:17 PM
Replies: 4
Views: 410
Posted By Bellumview
I've been critiqued in this forum and it does...

I've been critiqued in this forum and it does help to get critique in order to give it.

Taking out some of the periods might help the poem flow better.
Also Maybe using less repetition of "the...
Forum: Poetry 03-14-2014, 12:08 PM
Replies: 17
Views: 1,252
Posted By Bellumview
I understand the signature. It should be put in...

I understand the signature. It should be put in the dictionary and used in all sorts of literature.
Forum: Poetry 03-13-2014, 08:13 AM
Replies: 9
Views: 803
Posted By Bellumview
I don't know what the poem looked like...

I don't know what the poem looked like originally, but it does have a great ambiance now. Great edit!
Forum: Poetry 03-13-2014, 07:57 AM
Replies: 2
Views: 502
Posted By Bellumview
I had to read this a few times. I think the first...

I had to read this a few times. I think the first stanza could be rearranged a bit. The second stanza about estimation: I'm not sure what you meant by
"It does not slam
under a weight clam"

or...
Forum: Poetry 03-13-2014, 07:30 AM
Replies: 2
Views: 342
Posted By Bellumview
Calibration as in making sure everything is in...

Calibration as in making sure everything is in tune. The poem is about the subtle subconscious processes that happen so quickly without us even noticing. The character does go through a surreal phase...
Forum: Poetry 03-12-2014, 05:18 PM
Replies: 3
Views: 487
Posted By Bellumview
I like the you and me part. That's where they...

I like the you and me part. That's where they really pull you in is convincing you that you are an individual and providing you with illusory choice. Too much choice makes the choice you make not as...
Forum: Poetry 03-12-2014, 05:16 PM
Replies: 3
Views: 487
Posted By Bellumview
Haha! Agreed. What a scam this country is! I'm...

Haha! Agreed. What a scam this country is! I'm assuming you are taking about the home of the free! There is a reason it is much easier to immigrate to than Canada.
Forum: Poetry 03-12-2014, 05:13 PM
Replies: 6
Views: 325
Posted By Bellumview
I like the description of the body of water as...

I like the description of the body of water as "the peaceful depths* of my watery hell" and also "beautiful blue hell". Both of those struck a cord in me as awesome!
Forum: Poetry 03-12-2014, 05:08 PM
Replies: 13
Views: 742
Posted By Bellumview
Hi Tor, I enjoyed this. The only thing is I...

Hi Tor,
I enjoyed this. The only thing is I agree with Paco on changing the last line from "try to forget the image in the mirror" to "forget the image in the mirror." It makes the observer sound to...
Forum: Poetry 03-12-2014, 04:59 PM
Replies: 17
Views: 1,252
Posted By Bellumview
This is by far my favorite part of your poem. A...

This is by far my favorite part of your poem. A field of words is a great concept to show. Words are not the reality they pursue to describe. So it really is a field of intellect to say. You even say...
Forum: Poetry 03-12-2014, 04:49 PM
Replies: 13
Views: 1,229
Posted By Bellumview
I just started using this site. I'll concede to...

I just started using this site. I'll concede to the posting guidelines.
Forum: Poetry 03-12-2014, 02:58 PM
Replies: 13
Views: 1,229
Posted By Bellumview
Poems I've already written on paper. The same...

Poems I've already written on paper. The same piece was an error which I tried to fix by posting a different poem because I can't figure out how to delete a thread. It would have only been two poems....
Forum: Poetry 03-12-2014, 02:31 PM
Replies: 13
Views: 1,229
Posted By Bellumview
Really the stains are on the index and pointer...

Really the stains are on the index and pointer finger. A yellow tint. Disgusting really.
Forum: Poetry 03-12-2014, 02:29 PM
Replies: 0
Views: 312
Posted By Bellumview
Water

Share in my form
In my hollowness cause a storm
Flood these unseen passages

The only pure that nourishes
and from what all impurity flourishes

Can you hear or feel yourself across space?
Do...
Forum: Poetry 03-12-2014, 02:28 PM
Replies: 2
Views: 342
Posted By Bellumview
A quick calibration

Deep under darkness like space
worn out grotesque nominals
my tounge warily embrace

Corridor with red walls
black doors don't open
or swing like stalls
I appear at the other side
without...
Forum: Poetry 03-12-2014, 01:43 PM
Replies: 13
Views: 1,229
Posted By Bellumview
I see the snow and brick implying cocaine... but...

I see the snow and brick implying cocaine... but not the cancer lol.
Forum: Poetry 03-12-2014, 01:35 PM
Replies: 4
Views: 333
Posted By Bellumview
NoKturnal, I did re-read it and took some of...

NoKturnal,
I did re-read it and took some of the periods out. I believe it flows better now.
Forum: Poetry 03-12-2014, 01:32 PM
Replies: 4
Views: 333
Posted By Bellumview
I'm not surprised it comes out that way. I think...

I'm not surprised it comes out that way. I think it reads better without a rhythm. I'm not sure if there's a place in poetry for that, but here it is. I wrote it over a course of a few days. Writing...
Forum: Poetry 03-12-2014, 10:39 AM
Replies: 13
Views: 1,229
Posted By Bellumview
Yes, it is about cigarettes. They are a terrible...

Yes, it is about cigarettes. They are a terrible poison. I managed to quit cold turkey about a month ago. It took me about three months all together to get the idea of cold turkey steady in my mind's...
Forum: Poetry 03-12-2014, 10:20 AM
Replies: 4
Views: 333
Posted By Bellumview
Icon3 Everything Morning

Not a past or present
Only birds chirping
through the morning.

Expression is struggle in the stillness;
running, an act imaginary
both ways without preliminary.

My entire life a scar
on...
Forum: Poetry 03-05-2014, 09:56 PM
Replies: 0
Views: 282
Posted By Bellumview
Where I am commanded

This street
Costs my mother's life
To repair

I know melancholy
I've spent many nights
Staring into it's draining eye

My body has arched
Into an unnatural form
Forum: Tips & Advice 03-05-2014, 09:45 PM
Replies: 21
Views: 1,705
Posted By Bellumview
Charles it's me! You're old writer friend that is...

Charles it's me! You're old writer friend that is about to embark on an epic plot provoking journey to no destination!
Showing results 1 to 25 of 37

 

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