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Search: Posts Made By: Godlover
Forum: Fiction 07-10-2015, 01:47 PM
Replies: 8
Views: 1,104
Posted By Godlover
Woah! Heck yeah I would keep reading!

Woah! Heck yeah I would keep reading!
Forum: Fiction 07-10-2015, 01:41 PM
Replies: 1
Views: 585
Posted By Godlover
Erenthia Chapter 12 (603 words)

I need help fleshing this out and making it seem more real. I especially need help on the letter that Henry writes....and the whole thing...so yeah! Thanks! ^_^

I woke up and looked to the window...
Forum: Fiction 07-08-2015, 02:44 PM
Replies: 9
Views: 915
Posted By Godlover
True true! Thanks! :-)

True true! Thanks! :-)
Forum: Fiction 07-08-2015, 02:29 PM
Replies: 9
Views: 915
Posted By Godlover
Well he's just shaken becuase he believes his...

Well he's just shaken becuase he believes his daughter to have been brutally murdered.
Forum: Fiction 07-08-2015, 02:17 PM
Replies: 9
Views: 915
Posted By Godlover
>.< Oh that is PUTRID!

>.< Oh that is PUTRID!
Forum: Fiction 07-08-2015, 02:16 PM
Replies: 9
Views: 915
Posted By Godlover
Watching carefully while the servants packed my...

Watching carefully while the servants packed my things I fumed as I thought about what Thantos did to my precious Rose. She was mine! How dare he take another man’s property! “Finish this!” I snapped...
Forum: Fiction 07-08-2015, 01:58 PM
Replies: 9
Views: 915
Posted By Godlover
Duely noted. Thank you for that. You have...

Duely noted. Thank you for that. You have provided some very helpful insight...

Also...wouldn't shooting darts out your butt hurt?? >.<
Forum: Fiction 07-07-2015, 05:39 PM
Replies: 5
Views: 644
Posted By Godlover
He seems too calm...but I strangely like...

He seems too calm...but I strangely like it...it's like I'm waiting for him to have a massive break down lol

keep going! :-D
Forum: Fiction 07-07-2015, 05:32 PM
Replies: 9
Views: 915
Posted By Godlover
Erenthia excerpt- 352 words (Henry's POV)

TA-DA!! Here it is!! Waddya think? Oh and F.y.i Rose faked her death to get away from Henry and blamed it on Thantos but this was before she knew him. So there's that...Henry was very abusive to her...
Forum: Fiction 07-07-2015, 05:27 PM
Replies: 24
Views: 1,529
Posted By Godlover
mmk...I'm gonna post the next section. :-)

mmk...I'm gonna post the next section. :-)
Forum: Fiction 07-07-2015, 05:14 PM
Replies: 24
Views: 1,529
Posted By Godlover
How is it interesting? Interesting in a good way?

How is it interesting? Interesting in a good way?
Forum: Fiction 07-07-2015, 05:13 PM
Replies: 24
Views: 1,529
Posted By Godlover
woah...ok 1) I am ALLLLL WOMAN! 2) I am...

woah...ok 1) I am ALLLLL WOMAN! 2) I am editing....lol
Forum: Fiction 07-07-2015, 04:58 PM
Replies: 24
Views: 1,529
Posted By Godlover
eh....it seems blah to me now...it feels like the...

eh....it seems blah to me now...it feels like the life has been sucked out of it. Now it's just "oh he said that...cool. Oh look now she said something...yay?"
Forum: Fiction 07-07-2015, 04:09 PM
Replies: 24
Views: 1,529
Posted By Godlover
“What?” Thantos said sitting bolt upright. He...

“What?” Thantos said sitting bolt upright. He looked at me wide-eyed and said, “What are you doing in my room; it’s late!”

“You said I would be safe here! If I’m so safe then why did someone come...
Forum: Fiction 07-07-2015, 04:04 PM
Replies: 24
Views: 1,529
Posted By Godlover
The only reason I put "hoarsely" was because she...

The only reason I put "hoarsely" was because she almost got strangled to death. Wouldn't that make a person's throat sore?

Thanks for the comments! :-D
Forum: Fiction 07-07-2015, 02:34 PM
Replies: 24
Views: 1,529
Posted By Godlover
“You!” I shouted hoarsely pointing an accusing...

“You!” I shouted hoarsely pointing an accusing finger at him.

“What?” Thantos said sitting bolt upright. He looked at me wide-eyed and said, “What are you doing in my room at this hour?”

“You...
Forum: Fiction 07-07-2015, 02:30 PM
Replies: 24
Views: 1,529
Posted By Godlover
ah. Thanks for clarifying! :-D

ah. Thanks for clarifying! :-D
Forum: Fiction 07-07-2015, 12:31 PM
Replies: 6
Views: 1,004
Posted By Godlover
If it means making a good story, ruffle as many...

If it means making a good story, ruffle as many feathers as you want!

Also maybe give more description because I didn't get the feel that it took place a while back.

As for the prostitution,...
Forum: Fiction 07-07-2015, 12:14 PM
Replies: 24
Views: 1,529
Posted By Godlover
Hmm...I'm curious...what is wrong with "I merely...

Hmm...I'm curious...what is wrong with "I merely blinked..."

Just curious....

Anyways thanks for the commets! :-)
Forum: Fiction 07-07-2015, 07:54 AM
Replies: 6
Views: 1,004
Posted By Godlover
A good read but I'm just having a hard time...

A good read but I'm just having a hard time picturing a 15 year old looking as old as he does...so maybe either bump up his age or make him look younger....

Also as for "running some girls on the...
Forum: Fiction 07-06-2015, 05:48 PM
Replies: 24
Views: 1,529
Posted By Godlover
Erenthia excerpt- 143 words

How can I make this better? The part highlighted in red I have been having a lot of issues with. Thanks for reading! :-)

I quickly returned to my original self sucking in lungfuls of precious air....
Forum: Fiction 07-06-2015, 05:42 PM
Replies: 8
Views: 657
Posted By Godlover
Meh...maaaybe...hehehe

Meh...maaaybe...hehehe
Forum: Fiction 07-06-2015, 01:48 PM
Replies: 8
Views: 657
Posted By Godlover
Lol I'm mostly posting first draft guck! I hate...

Lol I'm mostly posting first draft guck! I hate my first draft work! XD
Forum: Fiction 07-06-2015, 01:32 PM
Replies: 8
Views: 657
Posted By Godlover
P.S. Sorry for the double post...my computer has...

P.S. Sorry for the double post...my computer has been acting up and it double posted on another forum so I don't know what's going on.
Forum: Fiction 07-06-2015, 01:31 PM
Replies: 8
Views: 657
Posted By Godlover
Wait...what the...I was yanked from my sleep as...

Wait...what the...I was yanked from my sleep as ice cold hands wrapped around my windpipe, cutting off my air supply. I kicked and pushed and clawed at my attacker but it was no use. Each moment I...
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