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Search: Posts Made By: Uncle Dave
Forum: Fiction 01-05-2008, 03:18 PM
Replies: 15
Views: 1,550
Posted By Uncle Dave
I'd like to focus on your opener and point out a...

I'd like to focus on your opener and point out a few subtle but critical things which might be improved to add urgency, interest, depth--things which can work to make the reader want to continue. I...
Forum: The Library 01-05-2008, 02:42 PM
Replies: 1
Views: 1,590
Posted By Uncle Dave
Icon7 Mark Twain Day By Day Volume I

David H Fears

PS...I'd like to add here the blurbs that the top 4 Twain scholars have given about my book. This was grist for a flyer that went out in December, from which we are realizing growing...
Forum: Fiction 02-01-2006, 11:48 AM
Replies: 14
Views: 2,260
Posted By Uncle Dave
Books, schmooks. It's all fiction. Short stories...

Books, schmooks. It's all fiction. Short stories give the reader even LESS time to identify and sympathize with a central character. Foreshadowing? I don't see that much here, but perhaps you mean...
Forum: Fiction 01-31-2006, 08:24 PM
Replies: 14
Views: 2,260
Posted By Uncle Dave
Okay, you say I'm wrong. You may be right that...

Okay, you say I'm wrong. You may be right that I'm wrong. Arguing with a reviewer is sometimes considered bad form. At the very least it may not win you further reviews from that person. Still, I'll...
Forum: Suggestions/Feedback/Questions 01-31-2006, 12:40 PM
Replies: 36
Views: 1,454
Posted By Uncle Dave
It's a wonderful and almost magic thing, what...

It's a wonderful and almost magic thing, what crits do--they help the critiquer MORE than they do the writer (in most cases). Why? Because the initial impulse is to reject criticism perhaps, to...
Forum: Fiction 01-31-2006, 11:00 AM
Replies: 14
Views: 2,260
Posted By Uncle Dave
A tough piece. It took me a couple of reads to...

A tough piece. It took me a couple of reads to get the hang of this. Your POV is omniscient, that is, being in everyone's head, thoughts. Nothing wrong with that even though it's a rather outdated...
Forum: Suggestions/Feedback/Questions 01-31-2006, 10:23 AM
Replies: 36
Views: 1,454
Posted By Uncle Dave
I just got caught up on some assignments so...

I just got caught up on some assignments so looked back and see I've forgotten this thread.

Each of us has to define "good writing" for ourselves. I only know ONE "rule" of writing (but a thousand...
Forum: Fiction 01-31-2006, 10:04 AM
Replies: 7
Views: 1,635
Posted By Uncle Dave
I wrote a piece about an affair, a flash piece,...

I wrote a piece about an affair, a flash piece, called "You Don't Listen Any More." This story reminded me of it. I believe it's still up online. Here's the link:
...
Forum: Fiction 01-31-2006, 09:59 AM
Replies: 7
Views: 1,635
Posted By Uncle Dave
I agree about the POV shift--but this could...

I agree about the POV shift--but this could easily be done with a section change or an extra line space. Carver did this in a few of his short stories. I know this still bothers those who say "Don't...
Forum: Fiction 01-31-2006, 09:55 AM
Replies: 7
Views: 1,635
Posted By Uncle Dave
First, the overall premise/promise of this story....

First, the overall premise/promise of this story. What does the story promise? A storm.

You write:

He sat in his car while the light was red. His head was set down on the wheel while a million...
Forum: Suggestions/Feedback/Questions 01-30-2006, 03:11 PM
Replies: 36
Views: 1,153
Posted By Uncle Dave
Thanks for updating the "record." I mistook your...

Thanks for updating the "record." I mistook your post for editing member posts. If the staff wants to play paddy-cake with each other's posts, I have no problem. I think it's a bit humorous, and...
Forum: Suggestions/Feedback/Questions 01-30-2006, 03:09 PM
Replies: 36
Views: 1,153
Posted By Uncle Dave
Yeah. The Bogie thing. Belushi parodied Bogie. I...

Yeah. The Bogie thing. Belushi parodied Bogie. I don't give a rat's ass what some Hispanics consider racist. That's today's lame epithet. Some Hispanics steal into the country, too, eh? I think the...
Forum: Introductions 01-30-2006, 10:24 AM
Replies: 12
Views: 1,757
Posted By Uncle Dave
:donatello: Uma's kinda freaky looking. And who...

:donatello: Uma's kinda freaky looking. And who ever heard of a name like Uma? Gawd, was her mother on drugs?

Anyway, pop culture rots the brain.
Forum: Suggestions/Feedback/Questions 01-30-2006, 10:22 AM
Replies: 36
Views: 1,153
Posted By Uncle Dave
If you want to piss people off, just mess with...

If you want to piss people off, just mess with their "little spelling or punctuation mistakes." This is NOT something that moderators or sysops do on any site I've ever seen. What's the point? Just...
Forum: Writers' Cafe 01-29-2006, 06:49 PM
Replies: 35
Views: 3,156
Posted By Uncle Dave
I don't see how you could possibly speculate with...

I don't see how you could possibly speculate with any degree of accuracy about slightly more than half the human race. When you begin with such sweeping inclusion, there's no place to wind up except...
Forum: Writers' Cafe 01-27-2006, 12:39 PM
Replies: 9
Views: 1,673
Posted By Uncle Dave
There is so much misperception here that I hardly...

There is so much misperception here that I hardly know where to begin. First, dilemma has two "m"'s. Ha. Seriously, you have a misguided view of what education is. You're educated enough to post...
Forum: Writers' Cafe 01-26-2006, 08:43 PM
Replies: 23
Views: 1,862
Posted By Uncle Dave
I wouldn't rate a cake before it's fully baked....

I wouldn't rate a cake before it's fully baked. (Hope that doesn't frost you!)

:ninjaakido:
Forum: Introductions 01-26-2006, 08:30 PM
Replies: 12
Views: 1,705
Posted By Uncle Dave
:ninjaakido: Well, eightbit, it's exhiliarating...

:ninjaakido: Well, eightbit, it's exhiliarating and often maddening. I feel for those who are semi-literate, who hate writing, who've been destroyed by bad prior instruction, etc. But I work at...
Forum: Fiction 01-25-2006, 09:54 AM
Replies: 7
Views: 1,835
Posted By Uncle Dave
Well, Starrman, this is an imaginative and rather...

Well, Starrman, this is an imaginative and rather experimental piece of writing. Overall I like the approach, the one-sided conversation which allows my imagination to furnish the terse responses by...
Forum: Fiction 01-23-2006, 03:59 PM
Replies: 19
Views: 7,148
Posted By Uncle Dave
:bigear: His ears are reaching! ...

:bigear: His ears are reaching!
:beatdeadhorse5:
You're welcome, bub.

:iagree:
We need more serious reviewing here.

As for cliches, I didn't see any. Detail in stories is very important...
Forum: Suggestions/Feedback/Questions 01-23-2006, 03:08 PM
Replies: 36
Views: 1,454
Posted By Uncle Dave
How about more focus on critting, the basics of,...

How about more focus on critting, the basics of, and less on funsy threads? Oh, okay, so I'm a crabby writer/editor/teacher. But I see SO many writing groups, sites, etc. used as a way to AVOID...
Forum: Suggestions/Feedback/Questions 01-23-2006, 03:06 PM
Replies: 36
Views: 1,454
Posted By Uncle Dave
What about chat?

What about chat?
Forum: Fiction 01-23-2006, 12:09 PM
Replies: 19
Views: 7,148
Posted By Uncle Dave
Okay, here’s a story that promises danger and...

Okay, here’s a story that promises danger and possibly destruction visited by ghosts. What it delivers is a prank that kills? Leo, the protagonist. Leo wants to attend a party at an out of the way...
Forum: Fiction 01-22-2006, 10:47 AM
Replies: 3
Views: 1,675
Posted By Uncle Dave
Well, I read this through a couple of times. I...

Well, I read this through a couple of times. I see many mechanical errors, such as improper quotation marks (quote within a quote should be single marks), a bunch of misspelled words, improper...
Forum: Introductions 01-19-2006, 07:50 PM
Replies: 12
Views: 1,705
Posted By Uncle Dave
Not if you mean Riker's. ha. Yeah, I knew Gault...

Not if you mean Riker's. ha. Yeah, I knew Gault was a Rand character. Nice to meetcha, Bill.
Showing results 1 to 25 of 30

 

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