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Search: Posts Made By: captflash
Forum: Fiction 12-13-2015, 08:31 PM
Replies: 2
Views: 739
Posted By captflash
Rick's Sortie (Chapter 8)

I'm jumping in at Chapter 8, that makes it a little hard to comment. The storyline has a comic book feel to it. It reads like something I might see in a Sci-Fi magazine or comic book, the cartoon...
Forum: Non-Fiction 11-26-2015, 08:19 PM
Replies: 4
Views: 1,570
Posted By captflash
The Screaming Tunnel

Interesting non-fiction piece. I've never had the pleasure of acquaintance with The Screaming Tunnel, but then I've never had any reason to travel north along the East Coast to the Niagara Falls...
Forum: Fiction 11-26-2015, 08:06 PM
Replies: 13
Views: 1,601
Posted By captflash
Hector, Dear

Interesting premise. This seems almost like the prologue you might see as an intro to the novel to follow. I noticed a couple of misspellings, "disappointment" for one and the capitalization of the...
Forum: Fiction 11-26-2015, 01:08 PM
Replies: 3
Views: 803
Posted By captflash
Son of Satan

I agree, wordy, not enough action, no character definition, cliché title, cliché storyline period ... makes me wonder why I posted this thing in the first place. Ah, but I know the answer to that and...
Forum: Fiction 11-21-2015, 09:00 AM
Replies: 3
Views: 803
Posted By captflash
Son of Satan

Halden Falls Township
April 18, 1903

Part I

Sheriff Ivar Petter mounted the hastily constructed platform. The wet boards squealed and creaked as they took his weight. This got the...
Forum: Fiction 11-20-2015, 12:18 PM
Replies: 5
Views: 1,042
Posted By captflash
Rick's Sortie

You've hit the nail on the head ... rubbish it is. If you look at this with an editors eye and try and remain objective you'll see what I mean. That doesn't mean it isn't good writing, it just means...
Forum: Fiction 11-20-2015, 12:10 PM
Replies: 4
Views: 737
Posted By captflash
Once a Thief

I'm sorry to say I don't know how to advise you regarding this piece of writing. First, it is so poorly written it would need a complete edit and rewrite before it would be ready to submit for...
Forum: Fiction 11-20-2015, 11:38 AM
Replies: 2
Views: 660
Posted By captflash
Confused

This character is well written and defined. This storyline is driven by the character and that is the pinnacle of excellent fiction writing. We find out from the get go this guy is a narcissist,...
Forum: Introductions 11-20-2015, 09:42 AM
Replies: 2
Views: 849
Posted By captflash
Hi Y'all

I hesitated to say hi again in the intro section, but I went back twenty pages and couldn't find my last Hi Y'all so here I am again. I wasn't aware it's been so long since my last visit and my...
Forum: Poetry 11-20-2015, 09:17 AM
Replies: 17
Views: 945
Posted By captflash
Trust Me

If you're a writer or propose to be a writer, you should have a superficial, at the very least, knowledge of the simple rules of grammar. Titles of books, or in this case poems, should be...
Forum: Fiction 11-20-2015, 08:51 AM
Replies: 5
Views: 1,042
Posted By captflash
Rick's Sortie (Final Chapter)

I don't know how many chapters this Science Fiction piece is comprised of, but in my experience each chapter of a novel should stand alone. How can a reader understand or connect with your characters...
Forum: Poetry 11-06-2015, 02:05 PM
Replies: 2
Views: 491
Posted By captflash
It's my Stapler

I read this and shivered, laughed, and shivered, thought about crying, but I'm too old to cry, too dry, no tears left. Those tears were spent years ago when I was still an alcoholic and I remember...
Forum: Free Writing 11-06-2015, 01:53 PM
Replies: 4
Views: 1,162
Posted By captflash
Then it Hits Me

No, Nick, I'm afraid it missed you by a mile. cf
Forum: Free Writing 11-06-2015, 01:49 PM
Replies: 3
Views: 824
Posted By captflash
High Street

The first thing I noticed about this short piece was the writer's aversion to capitalization of words usually considered by most users of the English language words that deserve a capital because of...
Forum: Introductions 11-06-2015, 01:18 PM
Replies: 26
Views: 2,623
Posted By captflash
Hi y'all

Yes, some members here who occasionally read the intro have probably seen that greeting before. I've been a member here for quite some time, but I don't post a lot. This is not because I don't enjoy...
Forum: Fiction 09-26-2015, 08:09 AM
Replies: 2
Views: 714
Posted By captflash
Tolliver's Grade

Thank you for taking your valuable time to read and comment on my piece. I appreciate your kind words, and more than that, your pointing out of the repetition regarding the taillights of the car....
Forum: Fiction 09-25-2015, 08:37 PM
Replies: 2
Views: 714
Posted By captflash
Tolliver's Grade

Tolliver’s Grade
Christmas Week - 2012


"I’m ready, Daddy."

My seven-year-old daughter, Megan, stood in the foyer dressed to her nose in a red snow parka, woolen scarf and hood trimmed in...
Forum: Fiction 09-25-2015, 08:02 PM
Replies: 2
Views: 734
Posted By captflash
Footprints

Good clean writing. This is evident. Your subject matter, plot and conflict are bland, and unless I'm missing something, we find nothing resolved. There's not much going on in this story at all, but,...
Forum: Fiction 09-25-2015, 02:13 PM
Replies: 1
Views: 592
Posted By captflash
The Noted Altruist

This is the first I've read any of this saga you have going. First, I'm one of the colonists and you're obviously of British persuasion so our use of English differs here and there. I've found quite...
Forum: Fiction 07-15-2015, 01:08 PM
Replies: 12
Views: 1,639
Posted By captflash
First Date

Hey Max, please disregard my comment about your newest story post. I got you mixed up with GodLover, my apologies. cf
Forum: Fiction 07-15-2015, 01:01 PM
Replies: 12
Views: 1,639
Posted By captflash
First Date

First and foremost I enjoyed this piece so much I forgot I was reading to help with mistakes. You are an excellent storyteller, I'm only qualifying this comment because this story deals with real...
Forum: Fiction 07-15-2015, 08:25 AM
Replies: 2
Views: 699
Posted By captflash
Tolliver's Grade

Thanks, Nil for pointing out a potential hole in the logic of the story. I cut this out of a larger piece which began as a short story, but I now think will result in a book of around 80 to 90K...
Forum: Fiction 07-14-2015, 02:33 PM
Replies: 2
Views: 699
Posted By captflash
Toliver's Grade

Megan and I stood at the top of Tolliver’s Grade. I shivered as she fooled with the binding on the snowboard. I looked down the hill at the lights of our home two hundred yards away. They looked like...
Forum: Fiction 07-14-2015, 02:15 PM
Replies: 1
Views: 586
Posted By captflash
Erenthia

I'm sorry if I got a little carried away, but I love medieval folklore stories. One of the reasons for so many suggested deletes is the great bulk of the words I suggest deleting are adverbs. Adverbs...
Forum: Fiction 07-13-2015, 01:44 PM
Replies: 22
Views: 1,717
Posted By captflash
I need culture info

Well, Max Crash, I can't help much with the type of bar you're talking about, but in my 30 some years of alcoholism and putting other poor bastards there by entertaining them nightly, I can attest...
Showing results 1 to 25 of 35

 

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