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-   -   Vladislav Tepes (http://forums.writersbeat.com/showthread.php?t=51149)

Tadpolle 02-23-2014 09:04 PM

Vladislav Tepes
 
Although, being ultimately inferior both in mental capacity and physical longevity, I shouldn't be wasting my time speaking to you at all, I suppose it's worth attempting if only for the amusement of your inane responses.

My name is Vladislav Tepes. I'm 548 years old, but unlike you pathetic creatures I don't require chemicals or surgery to keep my youth intact. I've been the equivalent of 22 for the past four centuries and will remain so for a very long time. The fact that you don't worship me as your God -- a filthy rich, remarkably shrewd, and unspeakably talented dhampir -- only speaks to your poor taste.

In fact, recent events have only cemented my certainty that you humans lack basic decency and should be eliminated as anything other than a food source. My recently deceased wife Lilith, whose convenient social standing in human society was the only thing saving her from being strung up with the rest of the bloodless corpses in my cellar, was discovered shortly before her untimely "accidental" death to have been involved in an affair with a human. Truly disgusting -- you have only to beg for the pleasure of a night with an experienced, sexually willing and powerful superior being, and you choose low-ranking filth instead? Honestly, this is a new low for mankind. Forget the moon landing, this has set you all back about 300 years in my opinion.

But enough of my experience. If I continued recounting tales about my lengthy and interesting life, your short life would be expired before I'd reached a quarter of the way through my tale. I should go into a little more detail about myself so you can realize just how much you pale in comparison.

I'm the sole heir of who you've come to call "Dracula", actually Vladislav Tepes III. I've been married 25 times and widowed as many times over, and an exhibit showcasing the well-preserved bloodless corpses of my brides can be seen in the basement of my castle for your fortune and a....minor blood donation.

My hobbies include painting, wooing clueless women, tending to my appearance, and watching diverting not-plays on the delightful flat box.

Feel free to send in questions. Again, if you want to join experience my exhibit of corpses, you need only get into private contact and offer up a small fee.

KnightofCydonia 03-02-2014 06:02 AM

You've drunk all of your wives dry? If you are, as you intimate, a vampire - why have you not turned any of them? It must be a burden, walking among all of us mere mortals - are there none of your kind about, that you might be able to share in their company?

RyleyAlexander 07-27-2014 01:49 AM

Yeah, uh Lilith gets around a lot. I should know, I'm her daughter Azrael. She's a horrible mother and terrible creature.

So, did her blood taste any different than the human's blood?

Also, does drinking demon blood really give you supernatural powers?

Do you drink your wives instead of creating more vampires because you're not ready to settle down? Or none of them seemed like an eternity long partner to you?

max crash 07-29-2014 12:24 PM

Vlad how quaint, my real name is Prudence of Calon born 987, saved in 1009, if any of your antics upset the quite place we live in this world I will personally insure your final death,

Justify to me why you are such an adolescent and still alive at the age of 548.

get on your knees! - you unworthy PUP!

Escriber* 08-02-2014 11:00 AM

Vladislav Tepes
 
My what attitude you have. The type I only want to see in the 'box' instead.

But, interesting fellow. Yep, you have won. Over 400 years old huh? I wonder about your take on 'Black Sunday'? What about the time you thought you were in Transylvannia? Did you really make it over the line with all that jazz in your head?

No, no, no. You shut up!

You're going to listen to me.
I've been here for as long as you have and you still not tired of It.

Well so much for soap opera.


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