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-   -   Cinquain - Despair (http://forums.writersbeat.com/showthread.php?t=44725)

nhassan 03-12-2013 03:26 AM

Cinquain - Despair
 
Despair
The hunt
For purpose, drive,
Passion... lonely, shady...
My light ran out, I have fallen
Face down.

iDrew 03-12-2013 04:56 AM

Not my cup of tea but it seems competent enough. The last line, as a synonymic summing-up of the title, is excellent.

Not too sure how L2 works as a description of the title though.

Can I suggest that perhaps a little assonance and a smidge of alliteration would bring a greater unification to the piece.

As I said, these forms aren’t for me, but good work.


xDrew

nhassan 03-13-2013 05:06 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by iDrew (Post 573756)
Not too sure how L2 works as a description of the title though.

Can I suggest that perhaps a little assonance and a smidge of alliteration would bring a greater unification to the piece.

Thank you, I will give it a try.


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